Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

2ox · 12-22-2005

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The mans wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"Youre finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "thats not a Porch, its a Ferrari."

mike · 12-23-2005

Damn,you found a blond joke I hadn't heard already.Good job!

TNT_Tony · 12-23-2005

That one is new to me as well.

shutterbug · 12-23-2005

That was good and I had not heard it!

Hoopers Store · 12-25-2005

A man walks out of a grocery store and sees a blonde woman putting change into a soda machine repeatedly, while soda keeps coming out. He watches her do this for a good 5 minutes until he approaches her and asks what on earth she's doing. She responds: "Back off, I'm winning!"

mike · 12-25-2005

Hey Hoop,long time no see.Not bad.

MMM · 12-25-2005

Blonde LOGIC

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting

on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to

the other, "Which do you think is farther away...

Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooo,

can you see Florida...?????"

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.

She tells the mechanic it died. After he works

on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding

and asks her very nicely if he could see her

license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would

get your act together. Just yesterday you take

away my license and then today you expect me

to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She

comes to a river and sees another blonde on

the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts,

"How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then

down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on

the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the

doctor's office and said that her body hurt

wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her

left breast and screamed, then she pushed her

elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed

her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed

her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she

touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead,

are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger

is broken."

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a

speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the

car, he was astounded to see that the blonde

behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that

she was oblivious to his flashing lights and

siren, the trooper cranked down his window,

turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were

talking one day. The Russian said, "We were

the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the

moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be

the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each

other and shook their heads. "You can't land on

the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the

Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid,

you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one

night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and

she landed on Science and Nature. Her question

was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls

your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it

on or off?"

FINALLY,

THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who

had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what

their names were. The blonde responded by

saying that one was named Rolex and one was

named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone

naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

TNT_Tony · 12-26-2005

Not bad, MMM. Not bad at all.

mike · 12-26-2005

M, you need to get out more,but I did like the Doctor Office joke.

MMM · 12-26-2005

Wish I could take credit, but they were emailed to me..

2ox · 12-26-2005

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and died brown. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.

Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course." The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352."

This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandable, totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock." The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.

When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"

mike · 12-26-2005

Not too bad.Not bad at all!

shutterbug · 12-26-2005

troubling

2ox · 12-28-2005

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, "What do you think youre doing? Its things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, Id come out there and kick your butt"

2ox · 2 Weeks Ago

A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at ''Lovers' Cove'' where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.

''NO!'' yelled the blonde.

The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again .

''NO!'' the blonde yelled again.

Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.

''Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?'' asked the guy.
''For the last time, NO!'' said the blonde.

Frustrated, the guy asked, ''Well, why the hell not?''

The blonde looked at him and said, ''Because I wanna stay up here with you.''

mike · 2 Weeks Ago

OMFG!!!

Bud · 2 Weeks Ago

DOH!

Flounder · 2 Weeks Ago

Blondes are so stupid!

dracula · 2 Weeks Ago

Q: What do you call a Blonde doing a handstand?
A: A Brunette with really bad breath.

Thender · 2 Weeks Ago

Good one Ox!

ob1 · 2 Weeks Ago

Great job 'ox!

jpa · 2 Weeks Ago

dracula · 2 Weeks Ago

1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

2. Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.

3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

6. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.

7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.

9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

12-22-2005	#1
2ox wow Listens: I don't listen Join Date: May 2005 Location: on the poor side of town Age: 44 Posts: 3,303	Let The Blonde Jokes Begin A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The mans wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "Youre finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "thats not a Porch, its a Ferrari." __________________ "Sheep go to heaven, goats go to Daves"

12-23-2005	#2
mike Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 12,657	Damn,you found a blond joke I hadn't heard already.Good job! __________________ "Black Tony isn't salty, he's creamy"- Travis Justice

12-23-2005	#3
TNT_Tony Olivia Munn is F*ing HOT!! Listens: Z92 - 3rd Shift Replay** Join Date: May 2005 Location: Bellevue, NE Age: 25 Posts: 5,195	That one is new to me as well. __________________ Local acts & local businesses - Getting almost no pub on TnT since November 2006!

12-23-2005	#4
shutterbug Off The Deep End Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Middle of Nowhere Age: 32 Posts: 1,123	That was good and I had not heard it! __________________ I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.

12-25-2005	#5
Hoopers Store [Insert Inside Joke Here] Join Date: May 2005 Location: Omaha, Nebraska. Age: 22 Posts: 699	A man walks out of a grocery store and sees a blonde woman putting change into a soda machine repeatedly, while soda keeps coming out. He watches her do this for a good 5 minutes until he approaches her and asks what on earth she's doing. She responds: "Back off, I'm winning!" __________________ Hooper's Store...because sometimes it IS all about being the greatest poster.

12-25-2005	#6
mike Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 12,657	Hey Hoop,long time no see.Not bad. __________________ "Black Tony isn't salty, he's creamy"- Travis Justice

12-25-2005	#7
MMM Enjoy In Moderation Join Date: May 2005 Location: blair Age: 35 Posts: 3,049	*Blonde LOGIC* *Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting* *on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to* *the other, "Which do you think is farther away...* *Florida* *or the moon?"* *The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooo,* *can you see Florida...?????"* *CAR TROUBLE* *A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.* *She tells the mechanic it died. After he works* *on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.* *She says, "What's the story?"* *He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"* *She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"* *SPEEDING TICKET* *A police officer stops a blonde for speeding* *and asks her very nicely if he could see her* *license.* *She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would* *get your act together. Just yesterday you take* *away my license and then today you expect me* *to show it to you!"* *RIVER WALK* *There's this blonde out for a walk. She* *comes to a river and sees another blonde on* *the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts,* *"How can I get to the other side?"* *The second blonde looks up the river then* *down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on* *the other side."* *AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE* *A gorgeous young redhead goes into the* *doctor's office and said that her body hurt* *wherever she touched it.* *"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."* *The redhead took her finger, pushed on her* *left breast and screamed, then she pushed her* *elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed* *her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed* *her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she* *touched made her scream.* *The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead,* *are you?* *"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."* *"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger* *is broken."* *KNITTING* *A highway patrolman pulled alongside a* *speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the* *car, he was astounded to see that the blonde* *behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that* *she was oblivious to his flashing lights and* *siren, the trooper cranked down his window,* *turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"* *"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"* *BLONDE ON THE SUN* *A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were* *talking one day. The Russian said, "We were* *the first in space!"* *The American said, "We were the first on the* *moon!"* *The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be* *the first on the sun!"* *The Russian and the American looked at each* *other and shook their heads. "You can't land on* *the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the* *Russian.* *To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid,* *you know. We're going at night!"* *IN A VACUUM* *A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one* *night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and* *she landed on Science and Nature. Her question* *was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls* *your name, can you hear it?"* *She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it* *on or off?"* *FINALLY,* *THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!* *A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who* *had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what* *their names were. The blonde responded by* *saying that one was named Rolex and one was* *named Timex.* *Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone* *naming dogs like that?"* *"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"*

12-26-2005	#8
TNT_Tony Olivia Munn is F*ing HOT!! Listens: Z92 - 3rd Shift Replay** Join Date: May 2005 Location: Bellevue, NE Age: 25 Posts: 5,195	Not bad, MMM. Not bad at all. __________________ Local acts & local businesses - Getting almost no pub on TnT since November 2006!

12-26-2005	#12
mike Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 12,657	Not too bad.Not bad at all! __________________ "Black Tony isn't salty, he's creamy"- Travis Justice

12-26-2005	#13
shutterbug Off The Deep End Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Middle of Nowhere Age: 32 Posts: 1,123	troubling __________________ I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.

12-28-2005	#14
2ox wow Listens: I don't listen Join Date: May 2005 Location: on the poor side of town Age: 44 Posts: 3,303	There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, "What do you think youre doing? Its things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, Id come out there and kick your butt" __________________ "Sheep go to heaven, goats go to Daves"

2 Weeks Ago	#15
2ox wow Listens: I don't listen Join Date: May 2005 Location: on the poor side of town Age: 44 Posts: 3,303	Re: Let The Blonde Jokes Begin A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at ''Lovers' Cove'' where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat. ''NO!'' yelled the blonde. The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again . ''NO!'' the blonde yelled again. Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped. ''Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?'' asked the guy. ''For the last time, NO!'' said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, ''Well, why the hell not?'' The blonde looked at him and said, ''Because I wanna stay up here with you.''

2 Weeks Ago	#16
mike Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 12,657	Re: Let The Blonde Jokes Begin OMFG!!! __________________ "Black Tony isn't salty, he's creamy"- Travis Justice

2 Weeks Ago	#17
Bud Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38 Posts: 9,863	Re: Let The Blonde Jokes Begin DOH! __________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

2 Weeks Ago	#18
Flounder I can't believe I threw up in front of Dean Wormer Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 3,092	Re: Let The Blonde Jokes Begin Blondes are so stupid!

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2 Weeks Ago	#19
dracula Your Mom hates you, she told me so.... Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Aug 2005 Age: 45 Posts: 1,155	Re: Let The Blonde Jokes Begin Q: What do you call a Blonde doing a handstand? A: A Brunette with really bad breath. __________________ I just plunked down 5 G's on Puss--ob1

2 Weeks Ago	#20
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 18,079	Re: Let The Blonde Jokes Begin Good one Ox! __________________ Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush. 4th place, 2008 TNTU.net college fantasy football... Bud came in 6th...

2 Weeks Ago	#21
ob1 Sith Chef Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Location: CBIA Age: 38 Posts: 5,798	Re: Let The Blonde Jokes Begin Great job 'ox!

2 Weeks Ago	#22
jpa Special Members Listens: Podcast Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 27 Posts: 6,034	Re: Let The Blonde Jokes Begin __________________ "Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." --Sam Brown

2 Weeks Ago	#23
dracula Your Mom hates you, she told me so.... Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Aug 2005 Age: 45 Posts: 1,155	Re: Let The Blonde Jokes Begin 1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! 2. Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. 3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. 4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. 5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. 6. Q: How does a blonde part their hair? A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart) A2: By doing the splits. 7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they can't even keep two calves together! 8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing. They've never met. 9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables! 10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job. __________________ I just plunked down 5 G's on Puss--ob1