Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

2ox

Mens 25 Rules For Women


1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don't make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries.
18. Share the bathroom.
19. Share the closet.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Nothing says 'I love you' like a blowjob in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

__________________
"I took a look inside your bedroom door...You looked so good lying on your bed...Well, I asked you if you wanted any rhythm and love...You said you wanna rock 'n' roll instead"

mike

I can think of someone who needs this list!

__________________

If I like you, leave a message. If I don't , don't bother. If I don't know you, why the hell you calling me ??

ob1

Can we move #22 to the top of the list?

__________________

shutterbug

All so true I have a couple of people that need that list

__________________
I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.

Thender

Another old thread but worth reading!

I know someone that needs to read rule #21...

If I'm not back on tommorrow inform the authorities.

__________________

Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009

Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

jpa

I know way too many people that haven't read this list enough

__________________
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
--Sam Brown

Raquel Welts

__________________

Thender

See, a guy tells the truth and this is how he is treated...

__________________

Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009

Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

ob1

Well, I am still waiting...

__________________

josh

aren't we all.

__________________
THIS SPACE FOR RENT.

Thender

Duh... That's why #21 and #22 kind of go hand in hand....

__________________

Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009

Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

MMM

26. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.

27. Don’t make him hold your purse in the mall.

28. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt.

29. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.

30. Unless the answer is yes.


31. In which case, can he videotape it?

32. If you really want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.

33. The man is always in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.

34. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.

35. He heard you the first time.

36. You know, you can ask him out too.... Let’s spread the rejection around a little.

37. Of course he wants another beer.

38. The guy doesn’t always have to sleep on the wet spot.

39. Dogs good. Cats bad.

40. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.

41. If he has to sit through Legends of the Fall, you have to sit through porn.

42. “Fine” or “Whatever” is not an acceptable way to end an argument.

43. Do not question a man’s innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.

44. He was not looking at that other girl.

45. Well, okay... maybe a little.

46. Okay, so what!? He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy.

47. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met.

48. And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.

49. Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs, look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.

50. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will never fake an orgasm.

51. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with him.

52. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower.

53. Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it.

54. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: looks fine/smells fine, looks fine/smells bad, looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.

55. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one you’re with.

56. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the granddaddy of them all.

57. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.

58. Don’t hog the covers.

59. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the half-time show to act upon that.

60. He does not just want to be friends.

Thender

__________________

Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009

Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

MMM

Enough joking aside.. Here are

2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No male can possibly know all the rules.

4. If the female suspects the MALE know all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5. The female is never wrong.

6. If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a result of something the male did or said wrong.

7. The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.

8. The female may change her mind at any time.

9. The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.

10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.

13. The male is expected to mind read at all times.

14. Any attempt to document the rules could result in bodily harm.

15. If the female has PMS, all the rules are null and void.

16. The female is ready when she is ready.

17. The male must be ready at all time.

18. The male who doesn't abide by the rules can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.

Thender

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight........

__________________

Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009

Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

mike

OK,get M off the sauce. I told you not to drink when your on your meds.

__________________

If I like you, leave a message. If I don't , don't bother. If I don't know you, why the hell you calling me ??

MMM

josh

see, you should have just picked it up.

__________________
THIS SPACE FOR RENT.

Thender

1. The female always makes the rules
They think that they do....

2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
Women change the rules to suit them!

3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
Because women are mentaly unstable and keep changing the damn rules!

4. If the female suspects the MALE know all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
Need I say more?

5. The female is never wrong.
In her mind

6. If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a result of something the male did or said wrong.
Or because she is crazy...

7. The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.
And immediately go to the store and stock up on beer!!!!

8. The female may change her mind at any time.
The male may drink at any time...

9. The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.
Unless, of course, she is drunk!

10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
Because she is playing you like a cheap fiddle!

11. The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
Unless he is watching sports on TV!

12. The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.
Because she is a manipulative little cuss that wants to play mind games!

13. The male is expected to mind read at all times.
The male is drunk... What the hell do you want from us?

14. Any attempt to document the rules could result in bodily harm.
Remember Lorena Bobbit? Ouch!!!!

15. If the female has PMS, all the rules are null and void.
And the male sleeps in a motel..

16. The female is ready when she is ready.
Yep.... Next year.....

17. The male must be ready at all time.
When he's not drunk....

18. The male who doesn't abide by the rules can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
He is a drunk who would rather stick his finger in a light socket and wants to live in a van down by the river....

__________________

Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009

Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

yo mama

Thender

Huh? You don't get it? Oh well.....

__________________

Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009

Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

jpa

that works for me

__________________
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
--Sam Brown