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jpa · 03-23-2006

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Inbox

ONE Recently, when I went to
McDonald's I saw on the menu
that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12
Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a
half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen
nuggets," said the teenager
at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We
only have six, nine, or
twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half
dozen nuggets, but I can
order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head
and ordered six McNuggets

TWO I was checking out at the
local Wal-Mart with just a
few items and the lady behind me put her things
on the belt close to mine. I
picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep
by the cash register and
placed it between our things so they wouldn't get
mixed. After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the
"divider", looking it all over
for the bar code so she could scan it. Not
finding the bar code she said to
me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to
her "I've changed my mind, I
don't think I'll buy that today." She said
"OK," and I paid her for the
things and left. She had no clue to what had just
happened.

THREE A lady at work was seen
putting a credit card into
her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what
she was doing, she said she was shopping on the
Internet and they kept
asking for a credit card number, so she was using
the ATM "thingy."

FOUR I recently saw a distraught
young lady weeping beside her
car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She
replied, "I knew I should have
replaced the battery to this remote door
unlocker. Now I can't get into my
car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant
convenience store) would have
a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you
have an alarm, too?" I
asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she
answered, handing it and the car
keys to me. As I took the key and manually
unlocked the door, I replied,
"Why don't you drive over there and check about
the batteries. It's a long
walk."

FIVE Several years ago, we had an
Intern who was none too
swift. One day she was typing and turned to a
secretary and said, "I'm
almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just
use copier machine paper,"
the secretary told her. With that, the intern
took her last remaining blank
piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and
proceeded to make five "blank"
copies.

SIX I was in a car dealership a
while ago, when a large motor
home was towed into the garage. The front of the
vehicle was in dire need of
repair and the whole thing generally looked like
an extra in "Twister." I
asked the manager what had happened. He told me
that the driver had set the
"cruise control" and then went in the back to
make a sandwich.

SEVEN My neighbor works in the
operations department in the
central office of a large bank. Employees in the
field call him when they
have problems with their computers. One night he
got a call from a woman in
one of the branch banks who had this question:
"I've got smoke coming from
the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire
downtown?"

EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa.,
interrogated a suspect by placing
a metal colander on his head and connecting it
with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in
the copier, and police
pressed the copy button each time they thought
the suspect wasn't telling
the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was
working, the suspect confessed.

NINE A mother calls 911 very worried
asking the dispatcher if
she needs to take her kid to the emergency room,
the kid was eating ants.
The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some
Benadryl and should be fine,
the mother says, I just gave him some ant
killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him
in to emergency!

"Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid."

KUfan_Donnie · 03-23-2006

^Most of these are unbelievable and funny

Thanks for some interesting words, jpa (Please keep posting)

TNT_Tony · 03-23-2006

Not bad, jpa. Not bad at all.

mike · 03-23-2006

Some people's kids

ob1 · 03-23-2006

ATM thingy!? Some people should not be allowed to mate...

teachergirl · 03-23-2006

I had a friend in college who worked at a 24 hour computer help center...I remember that her two favorite stories were:

1. The person couldn't find the CD-ROM drive, only to find out he had been using the CD tray as a cup-holder for his pop

2. The person had a hard time getting her mouse to work on the screen, only to find out she had been putting it on the floor and using it like someone would use a sewing machine pedal.

jpa · 03-23-2006

there are so many jokes/ stories that are like that, its quite scary

Chris84 · 03-23-2006

I have to talk to security gaurds at my work and one of our sites out in Virginia is just horrible.

Them -"My screen is black"
Me - "Turn on your monitor" or "turn on your computer" is also a common answer

Thats just a usual thing I have to deal with.

CreamDream · 03-23-2006

this sort of stuff makes me laugh so hard.

I work in a computer lab at UNO and I have a bunch of stories like this. My favorite is a woman asks me how to open Word. Umm...you click on the item that says "Microsoft Word." I've also seen people try to stick their thumb drives in the floppy drive.

Nazarah · 03-23-2006

You gotta love tech support horror stories.

I was in a larger call center for tech support for so long, I grew immune to their humor, but now that I look back, alot of those people should not have been allowed to operate a computer.

shutterbug · 03-23-2006

So funny but troubling because these are probably all true. I could add so many stories to this!

Sweet William · 03-23-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donnie

^Most of these are unbelievable and funny

Thanks for some interesting words, jpa (Please keep posting)

But can you put it in a color that's easier to read

TwistednEvil · 03-23-2006

I'll add a couple of my own:

Before my wife & I got married, we were looking into cruises for our honeymoon. I called some cruise line to get info. The operator asked me for 3 possible destinations. I said the Caribbean and Alaska for the first 2. I really couldn't think of a third destination so I blurted out 'Great Britain'. Didn't matter. We weren't gonna go there anyway. The girl on the other end of the line said "Where's that? I've never heard of it."

Ten years ago I was a supervisor at a call center. One of my operators comes up to me and asks "Is there really a state of Maine?" Incredulous, I said "Yes! Why?" She said "I have a caller who said they livedin Maine. I thought they were messing with me."

KUfan_Donnie · 03-24-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweet William

But can you put it in a color that's easier to read

I found it was easier to read when I switched the page to the light color scheme...at the bottom.

But yeah, some colors don't work very well on the dark background

jpa · 03-24-2006

sorry about the color thing, just copied and pasted without paying attention

KUfan_Donnie · 03-24-2006

^It's okay...don't sweat it!

kazzman · 03-24-2006

Some of these are not too hard to believe because there are some not-so-smart people out there.

msquared · 03-24-2006

Just.....Wow

lilyvon schtupp · 03-28-2006

what really annoys me about stupid people is that they keep getting jobs that pay more than mine does....

hate to put down family, but
when they got their first DVD player, my stepmother asked if she needed to rewind the DVD when they finished the movie

mike · 03-28-2006

I hope you answered the stupid question with a stupid answer.

josh · 03-30-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by mike

I hope you answered the stupid question with a stupid answer.

i've always said there are no stupid questions. only stupid people that ask questions.

03-23-2006	#1
jpa Special Members Listens: Podcast Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 27 Posts: 6,034	how do people survive \|\|\|Inbox ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened. THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy." FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk." FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies. SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich. SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency! "Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid."

03-23-2006	#2
KUfan_Donnie 1-800-BETS-OFF Listens: Podcast Join Date: May 2005 Age: 21 Posts: 3,480	Re: how do people survive ^Most of these are unbelievable and funny Thanks for some interesting words, jpa (Please keep posting) __________________ One weekend survived

03-23-2006	#3
TNT_Tony Olivia Munn is F*ing HOT!! Listens: Z92 - 3rd Shift Replay** Join Date: May 2005 Location: Bellevue, NE Age: 25 Posts: 5,206	Re: how do people survive Not bad, jpa. Not bad at all. __________________ "And don't even think about stealing it. 'cause we're gonna frisk you......Everywhere."

03-23-2006	#4
mike Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 12,691	Re: how do people survive Some people's kids __________________ "Black Tony isn't salty, he's creamy"- Travis Justice

03-23-2006	#5
ob1 Sith Chef Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Location: CBIA Age: 38 Posts: 5,813	Re: how do people survive ATM thingy!? Some people should not be allowed to mate...

03-23-2006	#6
teachergirl If you give me enough throcks, I'll play with your Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha - the good side Age: 30 Posts: 1,638	Re: how do people survive I had a friend in college who worked at a 24 hour computer help center...I remember that her two favorite stories were: 1. The person couldn't find the CD-ROM drive, only to find out he had been using the CD tray as a cup-holder for his pop 2. The person had a hard time getting her mouse to work on the screen, only to find out she had been putting it on the floor and using it like someone would use a sewing machine pedal. __________________ Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out? Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

03-23-2006	#7
jpa Special Members Listens: Podcast Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 27 Posts: 6,034	Re: how do people survive there are so many jokes/ stories that are like that, its quite scary

03-23-2006	#8
Chris84 Goes down smooth. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Omaha Age: 23 Posts: 454	Re: how do people survive I have to talk to security gaurds at my work and one of our sites out in Virginia is just horrible. Them -"My screen is black" Me - "Turn on your monitor" or "turn on your computer" is also a common answer Thats just a usual thing I have to deal with.

03-23-2006	#10
Nazarah The stickiest of the ickiest Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 26 Posts: 462	Re: how do people survive You gotta love tech support horror stories. I was in a larger call center for tech support for so long, I grew immune to their humor, but now that I look back, alot of those people should not have been allowed to operate a computer. __________________ Morality is doing what is right no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told no matter what is right

03-23-2006	#11
shutterbug Off The Deep End Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Middle of Nowhere Age: 32 Posts: 1,123	Re: how do people survive So funny but troubling because these are probably all true. I could add so many stories to this! __________________ I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.

03-23-2006	#13
TwistednEvil "Someone sh*t on the coats!" Join Date: May 2005 Location: Omaha Age: 37 Posts: 278	Re: how do people survive I'll add a couple of my own: Before my wife & I got married, we were looking into cruises for our honeymoon. I called some cruise line to get info. The operator asked me for 3 possible destinations. I said the Caribbean and Alaska for the first 2. I really couldn't think of a third destination so I blurted out 'Great Britain'. Didn't matter. We weren't gonna go there anyway. The girl on the other end of the line said "Where's that? I've never heard of it." Ten years ago I was a supervisor at a call center. One of my operators comes up to me and asks "Is there really a state of Maine?" Incredulous, I said "Yes! Why?" She said "I have a caller who said they livedin Maine. I thought they were messing with me." __________________ "I hope all your children have very small dicks! That includes the girls!" Dexter King "Another thing that grinds my gears is when I can't find the droids I'm looking for."- Peter Griffin I know the voices aren't real, but they have some really good ideas.- Anonymous

03-24-2006	#15
jpa Special Members Listens: Podcast Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 27 Posts: 6,034	Re: how do people survive sorry about the color thing, just copied and pasted without paying attention

03-24-2006	#16
KUfan_Donnie 1-800-BETS-OFF Listens: Podcast Join Date: May 2005 Age: 21 Posts: 3,480	Re: how do people survive ^It's okay...don't sweat it! __________________ One weekend survived

03-24-2006	#17
kazzman TnTU Junior Listens: Podcast Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Omaha Age: 32 Posts: 149	Re: how do people survive Some of these are not too hard to believe because there are some not-so-smart people out there.

03-24-2006	#18
msquared Frotch Central Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 325	Re: how do people survive Just.....Wow __________________ "I am in earnest; I will not equivocate; I will not excuse; I will not retreat a single inch; and I will be heard." William Lloyd Garrison

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03-28-2006	#19
lilyvon schtupp i ride the short bus because i'm Listens: I don't listen Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: counciltucky Posts: 1,280	Re: how do people survive what really annoys me about stupid people is that they keep getting jobs that pay more than mine does.... hate to put down family, but when they got their first DVD player, my stepmother asked if she needed to rewind the DVD when they finished the movie __________________ A man melts the sands so he can see the world outside.--U2, Lemon

03-28-2006	#20
mike Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 12,691	Re: how do people survive I hope you answered the stupid question with a stupid answer. __________________ "Black Tony isn't salty, he's creamy"- Travis Justice