Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

**Thender** · 05-25-2006

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table.
The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?"
The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant... He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."
The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"
The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same Efficiency Expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my thing, and then return to work. Having never touched myself, there really is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time."
"Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?"
"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."

**mike** · 05-25-2006

One way or another,it's gotta be done.

Chubby · 05-25-2006

That's sick..... But funny....

**Thender** · 05-25-2006

It's not sick!!!! It's a common practice to put ones penis back in their pants with a spoon....

Just ask 2ox, mike, Ob1, Al, josh, or jpa.... Even Dave will tell ya!

Common guys..... Back me up on this........

ericcruefan · 05-25-2006

I used to work in food service (I won't mention the resteraunt) but at night when i would clean the bathrooms I always noticed and it kind of pissed me off there is a sign in the mens bathroom as a notice to employee's to "always wash there hands"...but that sign isn't up in the girls bathroom.

I was told by a supervisor that girls always wash there hands and that she feels she does not need to tell them

**Thender** · 05-25-2006

As being a former Vet from the first Gulf War, tasked with a headquaters unit that had females atached to it.... I can whole heartedly say BULLSHIT!!!!!! Some of the nastiest rooms that I had to inspect were female....

I once had to clean out the room of a female vet that went AWOL.... Her wall locker was stacked 4 feet high with Gay *not lesbian* but GAY porno mags... She also had an 18 inch long, 4 inch wide, purple dildo in her wall locker.... Also found a clump of wadded up hankies, that were crusted, in the corner of the locker.... And a few cockroaches crawling around in there too......

Lynniebits · 05-25-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by ericcruefan

I used to work in food service (I won't mention the resteraunt) but at night when i would clean the bathrooms I always noticed and it kind of pissed me off there is a sign in the mens bathroom as a notice to employee's to "always wash there hands"...but that sign isn't up in the girls bathroom.

I was told by a supervisor that girls always wash there hands and that she feels she does not need to tell them

Just so you know, the Upstream does have the signs in the women's room, and I always wash my hands!

**Thender** · 05-25-2006

^Thank Gawd!!!!!

ericcruefan · 05-25-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lynniebits

Just so you know, the Upstream does have the signs in the women's room, and I always wash my hands!

and which one do you work at?

Can i even get in lol since i'm only 19....not 21

Lynniebits · 05-25-2006

I work downtown, and you can come in if you aren't 21, but not in the bar after 9:00.

Chubby · 05-25-2006

Okay.... At work we have three kinds of women..... They are catagorized as: Soap Washers, Water Washers and not at all washers.

Soap Washers are those who wash their hands with soap and water the way you should, per the department of health...... I fall in this catagory.

Water Washers are those who wet their hands under the water but fail to put soap on their hands. How lazy can one be? Your already doing a step of the soap washer process.

And last but not least... There are those women who don't wash their hands at all.... They gross me out.....

**Thender** · 05-25-2006

This is the reason that I hate to DINE out....

Lynniebits · 05-25-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chubby

Okay.... At work we have three kinds of women..... They are catagorized as: Soap Washers, Water Washers and not at all washers.

Soap Washers are those who wash their hands with soap and water the way you should, per the department of health...... I fall in this catagory.

Water Washers are those who wet their hands under the water but fail to put soap on their hands. How lazy can one be? Your already doing a step of the soap washer process.

And last but not least... There are those women who don't wash their hands at all.... They gross me out.....

Gross, use soap...I mean it isn't like you have to rush outta the bathroom.

Chubby · 05-25-2006

I agree..... I know exactly which co-workers are the offenders.... I wish I could make them where little signs that say: I don't wash my hands... Want to smell my peepee fingers...

**Thender** · 05-25-2006

No shit!!! It's not like they don't have TP in the stalls!.... Do not resort to having to use your fingers!!!! My tounge is always available!.....

On a side note..... I am completely sane.... And sober......

josh · 05-26-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by thender

It's not sick!!!! It's a common practice to put ones penis back in their pants with a spoon....

Just ask 2ox, mike, Ob1, Al, josh, or jpa.... Even Dave will tell ya!

Common guys..... Back me up on this........

chubby how can you not know this??

**mike** · 05-26-2006

I gotta use a couple salad spoons.

**Thender** · 05-26-2006

msquared · 05-26-2006

Its more of a ladle for me

**mike** · 05-26-2006

Nice.

**Thender** · 05-26-2006

I have to use a garden spade....

**mike** · 05-26-2006

we are getting away from kitchen utensils. Besides, all you would need is a baby's spoon.

msquared · 05-26-2006

Bada Bing. Nice Mike

**Thender** · 05-26-2006

He's right... It's a baby spoon for Baby Huey.....

**mike** · 05-26-2006

If Huey's a midget!

05-25-2006	#1
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 21,490 Throcks: 4,507.92 Thanks: 5,360 Thanked 6,081 Times in 1,611 Posts	The waiter. A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?" The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant... He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen." The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same Efficiency Expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my thing, and then return to work. Having never touched myself, there really is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time." "Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?" "Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon." __________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

05-25-2006	#2
mike Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 13,663 Throcks: 5,242.46 Thanks: 6,059 Thanked 2,618 Times in 647 Posts	Re: The waiter. One way or another,it's gotta be done. __________________ "When you are young, you are a fool to use drugs, when your old, you are a fool not to !!"- Craig Evans

05-25-2006	#3
Chubby Yes.... I'm still a Redneck! Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Seward, NE Age: 32 Posts: 1,148 Throcks: 278.86 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: The waiter. That's sick..... But funny.... __________________ Getting Hitched to a Redneck!

05-25-2006	#4
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 21,490 Throcks: 4,507.92 Thanks: 5,360 Thanked 6,081 Times in 1,611 Posts	Re: The waiter. It's not sick!!!! It's a common practice to put ones penis back in their pants with a spoon.... Just ask 2ox, mike, Ob1, Al, josh, or jpa.... Even Dave will tell ya! Common guys..... Back me up on this........ __________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

05-25-2006	#5
ericcruefan TnTU Senior Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Louisville, Nebraska Age: 22 Posts: 455 Throcks: 1,513.37 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: The waiter. I used to work in food service (I won't mention the resteraunt) but at night when i would clean the bathrooms I always noticed and it kind of pissed me off there is a sign in the mens bathroom as a notice to employee's to "always wash there hands"...but that sign isn't up in the girls bathroom. I was told by a supervisor that girls always wash there hands and that she feels she does not need to tell them

05-25-2006	#6
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 21,490 Throcks: 4,507.92 Thanks: 5,360 Thanked 6,081 Times in 1,611 Posts	Re: The waiter. As being a former Vet from the first Gulf War, tasked with a headquaters unit that had females atached to it.... I can whole heartedly say BULLSHIT!!!!!! Some of the nastiest rooms that I had to inspect were female.... I once had to clean out the room of a female vet that went AWOL.... Her wall locker was stacked 4 feet high with Gay not lesbian but GAY porno mags... She also had an 18 inch long, 4 inch wide, purple dildo in her wall locker.... Also found a clump of wadded up hankies, that were crusted, in the corner of the locker.... And a few cockroaches crawling around in there too...... __________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

05-25-2006	#8
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 21,490 Throcks: 4,507.92 Thanks: 5,360 Thanked 6,081 Times in 1,611 Posts	Re: The waiter. ^Thank Gawd!!!!! __________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

05-25-2006	#10
Lynniebits Fear me, if you dare! Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Back in Counciltucky! Age: 33 Posts: 2,199 Throcks: 358.25 Thanks: 0 Thanked 14 Times in 3 Posts	Re: The waiter. I work downtown, and you can come in if you aren't 21, but not in the bar after 9:00. __________________ Life is too short for bras and uncomfortable shoes.

05-25-2006	#11
Chubby Yes.... I'm still a Redneck! Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Seward, NE Age: 32 Posts: 1,148 Throcks: 278.86 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: The waiter. Okay.... At work we have three kinds of women..... They are catagorized as: Soap Washers, Water Washers and not at all washers. Soap Washers are those who wash their hands with soap and water the way you should, per the department of health...... I fall in this catagory. Water Washers are those who wet their hands under the water but fail to put soap on their hands. How lazy can one be? Your already doing a step of the soap washer process. And last but not least... There are those women who don't wash their hands at all.... They gross me out..... __________________ Getting Hitched to a Redneck!

05-25-2006	#12
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 21,490 Throcks: 4,507.92 Thanks: 5,360 Thanked 6,081 Times in 1,611 Posts	Re: The waiter. This is the reason that I hate to DINE out.... __________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

05-25-2006	#14
Chubby Yes.... I'm still a Redneck! Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Seward, NE Age: 32 Posts: 1,148 Throcks: 278.86 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: The waiter. I agree..... I know exactly which co-workers are the offenders.... I wish I could make them where little signs that say: I don't wash my hands... Want to smell my peepee fingers... __________________ Getting Hitched to a Redneck!

05-25-2006	#15
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 21,490 Throcks: 4,507.92 Thanks: 5,360 Thanked 6,081 Times in 1,611 Posts	Re: The waiter. No shit!!! It's not like they don't have TP in the stalls!.... Do not resort to having to use your fingers!!!! My tounge is always available!..... On a side note..... I am completely sane.... And sober...... __________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

05-26-2006	#17
mike Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 13,663 Throcks: 5,242.46 Thanks: 6,059 Thanked 2,618 Times in 647 Posts	Re: The waiter. I gotta use a couple salad spoons. __________________ "When you are young, you are a fool to use drugs, when your old, you are a fool not to !!"- Craig Evans

05-26-2006	#18
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 21,490 Throcks: 4,507.92 Thanks: 5,360 Thanked 6,081 Times in 1,611 Posts	Re: The waiter. ^ __________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

05-26-2006	#19
msquared Frotch Central Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 326 Throcks: 255.62 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: The waiter. Its more of a ladle for me __________________ "I am in earnest; I will not equivocate; I will not excuse; I will not retreat a single inch; and I will be heard." William Lloyd Garrison

05-26-2006	#20
mike Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 13,663 Throcks: 5,242.46 Thanks: 6,059 Thanked 2,618 Times in 647 Posts	Re: The waiter. Nice. __________________ "When you are young, you are a fool to use drugs, when your old, you are a fool not to !!"- Craig Evans

05-26-2006	#21
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 21,490 Throcks: 4,507.92 Thanks: 5,360 Thanked 6,081 Times in 1,611 Posts	Re: The waiter. I have to use a garden spade.... __________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

05-26-2006	#22
mike Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 13,663 Throcks: 5,242.46 Thanks: 6,059 Thanked 2,618 Times in 647 Posts	Re: The waiter. we are getting away from kitchen utensils. Besides, all you would need is a baby's spoon. __________________ "When you are young, you are a fool to use drugs, when your old, you are a fool not to !!"- Craig Evans

05-26-2006	#23
msquared Frotch Central Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 326 Throcks: 255.62 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: The waiter. Bada Bing. Nice Mike __________________ "I am in earnest; I will not equivocate; I will not excuse; I will not retreat a single inch; and I will be heard." William Lloyd Garrison

05-26-2006	#24
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 21,490 Throcks: 4,507.92 Thanks: 5,360 Thanked 6,081 Times in 1,611 Posts	Re: The waiter. He's right... It's a baby spoon for Baby Huey..... __________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

05-26-2006	#25
mike Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 13,663 Throcks: 5,242.46 Thanks: 6,059 Thanked 2,618 Times in 647 Posts	Re: The waiter. If Huey's a midget! __________________ "When you are young, you are a fool to use drugs, when your old, you are a fool not to !!"- Craig Evans

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