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Chubby

NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!


HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in
the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago.


OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents."


KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter
to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her
mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you
right now. She's hitting the bottle."


MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?"


ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a
pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning."


DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal
of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought
his Father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn...and into the hole he gooooes."

SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write
and they won't let me talk!"


BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I
found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With
astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's
underwear!"

__________________
Getting Hitched to a Redneck!

Thender

I know how you feel, darling.....

__________________

Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009

Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

jpa

[quote=Chubby]NUDITY
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents."[quote]


Could have used this note in my younger years

__________________
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
--Sam Brown