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Jasmine

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art."

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."
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A man decided his wife was getting hard of hearing so he made an appointment to have her hearing checked. The doctor told him he couldn't see her for two weeks but, in the meantime, the husband should perform a simple, informal test.

"Here's what you do," said the doctor. "Start about 40 feet away from her, and speak in a normal conversational tone and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening she's in the kitchen and he's in the living room. Standing 40 feet away, he begins the test.

"Honey, what's for supper?"

No response.

So he moves a little closer and says: "Honey, what's for supper?"

No response.

He comes closer yet and repeats the question.

No response.

Finally, he's at the kitchen door, 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?"

Still no response.

So he walks right up behind her and says: "Honey, what's for supper?"

She turns and says, "For the fifth time...CHICKEN!"
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Morris, an 82 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doctor: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' "

The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur.
Be careful."
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As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
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An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms-- Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the wife was in the kitchen,the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that,after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."

The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

jpa

__________________
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
--Sam Brown

Thender

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Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

Chubby

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Getting Hitched to a Redneck!

ob1

Vulcan Shocker