Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

**Bud** · 08-11-2006

#1

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."

So Little Johnny asked, "Why the fuck didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

#2

A man and a woman are in divorce court fighting over custody of their children. The Judge can't be swayed either way so he decides to give each of them a minute to give their best argument as to why they should be given custody.

The woman starts and says to the Judge: "Your Honor, I carried those children for the 9 month pregnancy. Then I went through the pains of labor to bring them into this world. I should be given custody because of that."

The man stands up to speak and says: "Your Honor, if I put a dollar bill into a soda machine and out pops a soda, Who's soda is it? Mine or the machine's?"

#3

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

#4

Two guys are sitting on a plane. Both have a black eye.

One guy leans over and asks the other guy how he got his black eye.

He goes "well, it was sort of a mixup of words, I was at the ticket counter and the ticket lady was hot as hell with some big tits. So instead of asking for a pair of tickets for the cities, I ask for a pair of pickets for those titties. Then she socked me".

So then he asks the other guy how he got his black eye, he replies, "I was eating breakfast with my wife and instead of telling her to pass the oat bran, I said 'you ruined my life you fucking dumb bitch'."

**ob1** · 08-11-2006

Thanks Bud! I needed the chuckle before leaving for the week-end.

**Thender** · 08-11-2006

Good ones...

Chubby · 08-11-2006

josh · 08-12-2006

nice ones bud.

jpa · 08-13-2006

Jasmine · 08-13-2006

A nice pair????

08-12-2006	#5
josh MMMMMMM......BBQ Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: THE UNIQUE CITY OF BELLEVUE Age: 31 Posts: 2,219 Throcks: 43.30 Thanks: 5 Thanked 26 Times in 8 Posts	Re: Jokes to take you thru the weekend nice ones bud. __________________ THIS SPACE FOR RENT.

08-13-2006	#6
jpa Special Members Listens: Podcast Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 28 Posts: 6,161 Throcks: 406.79 Thanks: 5 Thanked 63 Times in 19 Posts	Re: Jokes to take you thru the weekend __________________ "Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." --Sam Brown

08-13-2006	#7
Jasmine Just another poster... Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 587 Throcks: 181.59 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Jokes to take you thru the weekend A nice pair????

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08-11-2006	#1
Bud Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38 Posts: 10,304 Throcks: 5,966.25 Thanks: 112 Thanked 133 Times in 58 Posts	Jokes to take you thru the weekend #1 Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly." So Little Johnny asked, "Why the fuck didn't you keep him when you took his picture?" #2 A man and a woman are in divorce court fighting over custody of their children. The Judge can't be swayed either way so he decides to give each of them a minute to give their best argument as to why they should be given custody. The woman starts and says to the Judge: "Your Honor, I carried those children for the 9 month pregnancy. Then I went through the pains of labor to bring them into this world. I should be given custody because of that." The man stands up to speak and says: "Your Honor, if I put a dollar bill into a soda machine and out pops a soda, Who's soda is it? Mine or the machine's?" #3 The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!" The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!" #4 Two guys are sitting on a plane. Both have a black eye. One guy leans over and asks the other guy how he got his black eye. He goes "well, it was sort of a mixup of words, I was at the ticket counter and the ticket lady was hot as hell with some big tits. So instead of asking for a pair of tickets for the cities, I ask for a pair of pickets for those titties. Then she socked me". So then he asks the other guy how he got his black eye, he replies, "I was eating breakfast with my wife and instead of telling her to pass the oat bran, I said 'you ruined my life you fucking dumb bitch'." __________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

08-11-2006	#2
ob1 Happy 4th! Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 6,116 Throcks: 400.15 Thanks: 558 Thanked 135 Times in 53 Posts	Re: Jokes to take you thru the weekend Thanks Bud! I needed the chuckle before leaving for the week-end.

08-11-2006	#3
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 19,286 Throcks: 1,753.85 Thanks: 617 Thanked 441 Times in 182 Posts	Re: Jokes to take you thru the weekend Good ones... __________________ Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

08-11-2006	#4
Chubby Yes.... I'm still a Redneck! Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Seward, NE Age: 32 Posts: 1,065 Throcks: 176.28 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Jokes to take you thru the weekend __________________ Getting Hitched to a Redneck!