Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

josh · 08-30-2006

In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

sutty · 08-30-2006

AMEN!! Great Joke!

**Thender** · 08-30-2006

Ain't that the fricken truth!

KUfan_Donnie · 08-30-2006

Very amusing, thanks for the chuckle josh!

jpa · 08-30-2006

thats one way too look at it

**Bud** · 08-31-2006

Lmao !!!!

Lil' Bunny F.U. · 08-31-2006

Oh I enjoyed that! Thanks!!

shutterbug · 08-31-2006

That hits so close to home, I deal a lot with government entities and am buying a business and it is all so true, that is just to damn funny.

Chubby · 08-31-2006

That's funny!

08-30-2006	#1
josh MMMMMMM......BBQ Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: THE UNIQUE CITY OF BELLEVUE Age: 31 Posts: 2,219 Throcks: 43.29 Thanks: 5 Thanked 26 Times in 8 Posts	Noah 2006 In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights." Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark." Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it." __________________ THIS SPACE FOR RENT.

08-30-2006	#2
sutty TnTU Sophomore Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Falls City, NE Posts: 64 Throcks: 72.11 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Noah 2006 AMEN!! Great Joke!

08-30-2006	#3
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 19,286 Throcks: 1,753.84 Thanks: 617 Thanked 441 Times in 182 Posts	Re: Noah 2006 Ain't that the fricken truth! __________________ Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

08-30-2006	#4
KUfan_Donnie 1-800-BETS-OFF Listens: Podcast Join Date: May 2005 Age: 21 Posts: 3,480 Throcks: 266.41 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Noah 2006 Very amusing, thanks for the chuckle josh! __________________ One weekend survived

08-30-2006	#5
jpa Special Members Listens: Podcast Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 28 Posts: 6,161 Throcks: 406.79 Thanks: 5 Thanked 63 Times in 19 Posts	Re: Noah 2006 thats one way too look at it __________________ "Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." --Sam Brown

08-31-2006	#6
Bud Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38 Posts: 10,304 Throcks: 5,966.18 Thanks: 112 Thanked 133 Times in 58 Posts	Re: Noah 2006 Lmao !!!! __________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

08-31-2006	#7
Lil' Bunny F.U. Roller wheels of dooooooooom... Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Omaha Posts: 484 Throcks: 162.82 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Noah 2006 Oh I enjoyed that! Thanks!! __________________ I like to watch people trip. ~~Lil Bunny F.U.

08-31-2006	#8
shutterbug Off The Deep End Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Middle of Nowhere Age: 32 Posts: 1,123 Throcks: 166.97 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Noah 2006 That hits so close to home, I deal a lot with government entities and am buying a business and it is all so true, that is just to damn funny. __________________ I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.

08-31-2006	#9
Chubby Yes.... I'm still a Redneck! Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Seward, NE Age: 32 Posts: 1,065 Throcks: 176.26 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Noah 2006 That's funny! __________________ Getting Hitched to a Redneck!

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