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**Bud** · 09-14-2006

One day, mike came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went fishing.

A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need
more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!

Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years!

**Thender** · 09-14-2006

Run Herman Run!

**ob1** · 09-14-2006

lol...great ones Bud!

**Bud** · 09-14-2006

I need to fix one of them though.

A man came home, screeching! his car into the driveway, and ran into the house. He slammed the door and shouted at the top of his lungs,
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the fuckin' lottery!"

The wife said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," he said. "Just get the fuck out."

jpa · 09-14-2006

nice work Bud

**Bud** · 09-14-2006

Thanks.

After more thought this line may need to be changed.

The wife said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

to this

The wife said, "Oh my God! I can't wait to go shopping !!!"

09-14-2006	#1
Bud Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38 Posts: 10,304 Throcks: 5,966.05 Thanks: 112 Thanked 133 Times in 58 Posts	Quickies One day, mike came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went fishing. A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out." Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay." A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving." Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years! __________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

09-14-2006	#2
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 19,286 Throcks: 1,753.61 Thanks: 617 Thanked 439 Times in 180 Posts	Re: Quickies Run Herman Run! __________________ Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

09-14-2006	#3
ob1 Happy 4th! Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 6,116 Throcks: 398.99 Thanks: 558 Thanked 135 Times in 53 Posts	Re: Quickies lol...great ones Bud!

09-14-2006	#4
Bud Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38 Posts: 10,304 Throcks: 5,966.05 Thanks: 112 Thanked 133 Times in 58 Posts	Re: Quickies I need to fix one of them though. A man came home, screeching! his car into the driveway, and ran into the house. He slammed the door and shouted at the top of his lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the fuckin' lottery!" The wife said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," he said. "Just get the fuck out." __________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

09-14-2006	#5
jpa Special Members Listens: Podcast Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 28 Posts: 6,161 Throcks: 406.77 Thanks: 5 Thanked 63 Times in 19 Posts	Re: Quickies nice work Bud __________________ "Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." --Sam Brown

09-14-2006	#6
Bud Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38 Posts: 10,304 Throcks: 5,966.05 Thanks: 112 Thanked 133 Times in 58 Posts	Re: Quickies Thanks. After more thought this line may need to be changed. The wife said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" to this The wife said, "Oh my God! I can't wait to go shopping !!!" __________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

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