Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

**Bud** · 09-15-2006

Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a picnic. So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there.

When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "OK Les Give me the bottle opener."

"I didn't bring it," says Les. "I thought you packed it."

Mick gets worried, He turns to Alan, "Did you bring the bottle opener??"

Naturally Alan didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from Home without a bottle opener. Mick and Alan beg Les to go back for It, but he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches.

After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise Lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Les sets off down the road at a steady pace.

Twenty days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Alan are starving, but a promise is a promise.

Another five days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a Sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Les pops up from behind a rock and shouts........

"I KNEW IT!......I'M NOT FUCKING GOING!"

jpa · 09-15-2006

**Thender** · 09-15-2006

KUfan_Donnie · 09-15-2006

Well, I guess his suspicions were correct...

drunkrupp · 09-17-2006

lilyvon schtupp · 09-19-2006

so? no one gets the beer?
how sad

**mike** · 09-19-2006

That's your "buddies" for ya'.

KUfan_Donnie · 09-19-2006

Who wants warm beer now anyway?

**mike** · 09-19-2006

Warm hell, you probably got skanky beer by now!

KUfan_Donnie · 09-19-2006

Dave · 09-19-2006

That reminds me of a joke about a guy with a pet snail. Something about him and the snail get in a fight, so the guy gets pissed at the snail and throws him out the door. 5 years later, he hears a knock at the door, he opens it and its the snail and says "Why'd you go and do that?"

**Thender** · 09-19-2006

Wasn't elementary school great....

jpa · 09-19-2006

if i could remember it

**Thender** · 09-19-2006

Lay off the shrooms...

jpa · 09-19-2006

lilyvon schtupp · 09-22-2006

i heard that one in the aristocrats...

**Bud** · 09-22-2006

The aristrocrats was awesome !!

lilyvon schtupp · 09-22-2006

though, it is rather disturbing hearing penn jillette say he's turned on by all the jokes

09-15-2006	#1
Bud Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38 Posts: 10,341 Throcks: 6,148.07 Thanks: 355 Thanked 265 Times in 95 Posts	The Turtle Picnic Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a picnic. So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "OK Les Give me the bottle opener." "I didn't bring it," says Les. "I thought you packed it." Mick gets worried, He turns to Alan, "Did you bring the bottle opener??" Naturally Alan didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from Home without a bottle opener. Mick and Alan beg Les to go back for It, but he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise Lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Les sets off down the road at a steady pace. Twenty days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Alan are starving, but a promise is a promise. Another five days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a Sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Les pops up from behind a rock and shouts........ "I KNEW IT!......I'M NOT FUCKING GOING!" __________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

09-15-2006	#2
jpa Special Members Listens: Podcast Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 28 Posts: 6,179 Throcks: 435.06 Thanks: 9 Thanked 151 Times in 37 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic __________________ "Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." --Sam Brown

09-15-2006	#3
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 19,367 Throcks: 1,895.58 Thanks: 881 Thanked 749 Times in 263 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic __________________ Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

09-15-2006	#4
KUfan_Donnie 1-800-BETS-OFF Listens: Podcast Join Date: May 2005 Age: 21 Posts: 3,480 Throcks: 266.85 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic Well, I guess his suspicions were correct... __________________ One weekend survived

09-17-2006	#5
drunkrupp If you've got a minuite to kill...work it till death Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Fremont Age: 31 Posts: 318 Throcks: 172.03 Thanks: 0 Thanked 4 Times in 1 Post	Re: The Turtle Picnic __________________

09-19-2006	#6
lilyvon schtupp i ride the short bus because i'm Listens: I don't listen Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: counciltucky Posts: 1,385 Throcks: 869.64 Thanks: 7 Thanked 137 Times in 45 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic so? no one gets the beer? how sad __________________ "Radio should be stimulating people rather than actually killing them into a state of apathy, which I think has happened." -- Adam Clayton, 1992

09-19-2006	#7
mike Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 13,000 Throcks: 1,127.96 Thanks: 934 Thanked 220 Times in 84 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic That's your "buddies" for ya'. __________________ "A 'madame' ain't nothing but a hooker with higher aspirations."- Craig Evans

09-19-2006	#8
KUfan_Donnie 1-800-BETS-OFF Listens: Podcast Join Date: May 2005 Age: 21 Posts: 3,480 Throcks: 266.85 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic Who wants warm beer now anyway? __________________ One weekend survived

09-19-2006	#9
mike Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 13,000 Throcks: 1,127.96 Thanks: 934 Thanked 220 Times in 84 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic Warm hell, you probably got skanky beer by now! __________________ "A 'madame' ain't nothing but a hooker with higher aspirations."- Craig Evans

09-19-2006	#10
KUfan_Donnie 1-800-BETS-OFF Listens: Podcast Join Date: May 2005 Age: 21 Posts: 3,480 Throcks: 266.85 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic Ugh __________________ One weekend survived

09-19-2006	#11
Dave Wookin Pa Nub Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jun 2004 Age: 38 Posts: 5,129 Throcks: 1,534.36 Thanks: 37 Thanked 153 Times in 49 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic That reminds me of a joke about a guy with a pet snail. Something about him and the snail get in a fight, so the guy gets pissed at the snail and throws him out the door. 5 years later, he hears a knock at the door, he opens it and its the snail and says "Why'd you go and do that?" __________________ "Pump it up until you can feel it. Pump it up, when you don't really need it." - Elvis Costello -------------------------------------------- Todd and Tyler Streaming Questions, comments, concerns? Contact the Empire

09-19-2006	#12
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 19,367 Throcks: 1,895.58 Thanks: 881 Thanked 749 Times in 263 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic Wasn't elementary school great.... __________________ Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

09-19-2006	#13
jpa Special Members Listens: Podcast Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 28 Posts: 6,179 Throcks: 435.06 Thanks: 9 Thanked 151 Times in 37 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic if i could remember it __________________ "Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." --Sam Brown

09-19-2006	#14
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 19,367 Throcks: 1,895.58 Thanks: 881 Thanked 749 Times in 263 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic Lay off the shrooms... __________________ Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

09-19-2006	#15
jpa Special Members Listens: Podcast Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 28 Posts: 6,179 Throcks: 435.06 Thanks: 9 Thanked 151 Times in 37 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic No! __________________ "Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." --Sam Brown

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09-22-2006	#16
lilyvon schtupp i ride the short bus because i'm Listens: I don't listen Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: counciltucky Posts: 1,385 Throcks: 869.64 Thanks: 7 Thanked 137 Times in 45 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic i heard that one in the aristocrats... __________________ "Radio should be stimulating people rather than actually killing them into a state of apathy, which I think has happened." -- Adam Clayton, 1992

09-22-2006	#17
Bud Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38 Posts: 10,341 Throcks: 6,148.07 Thanks: 355 Thanked 265 Times in 95 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic The aristrocrats was awesome !! __________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

09-22-2006	#18
lilyvon schtupp i ride the short bus because i'm Listens: I don't listen Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: counciltucky Posts: 1,385 Throcks: 869.64 Thanks: 7 Thanked 137 Times in 45 Posts	Re: The Turtle Picnic though, it is rather disturbing hearing penn jillette say he's turned on by all the jokes __________________ "Radio should be stimulating people rather than actually killing them into a state of apathy, which I think has happened." -- Adam Clayton, 1992