Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

**Bud** · 10-18-2006

A husky biker stopped by the local Harley shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He also stopped by the feed store and livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.

While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane . I would walk you home but I can't carry this stuff." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he said "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me." "How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall and have your way with me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

Lynniebits · 10-18-2006

That is so me as an old chick.

**Thender** · 10-18-2006

Seen it.... Still a good joke...

jpa · 10-18-2006

nice "old" joke

**Bud** · 10-18-2006

Have you heard this one yet ?

The bartender was washing his glasses, and an elderly Irishman came in and with great difficulty, hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.

The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded and the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey also.

The next patron was an ailing Italian with a hunched back and slowness of movement. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting down there. The bartender nodded and the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, also.

The third patron, a redneck, swaggered in dragging his knuckles on the floor and hollered. "Barkeep, set me up a cold one. Hey, is that God's Boy down there?" The barkeep nodded, and the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one too.

As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, and he got up and danced a jig to the door.

Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness you are healed!" The Italian felt his back straighten and he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door.

Jesus walked toward the redneck, and the redneck jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me, I'm drawing disability!"

jpa · 10-18-2006

at some point in my life

**Thender** · 10-18-2006

Yup, seen it in three different variations....

**Bud** · 10-18-2006

Crap.

**Bud** · 10-18-2006

OK, how about these?

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

Q: What do you call an Ethiopian kid taking a shit?
A: A show off.

KUfan_Donnie · 10-18-2006

Those are amusing, Bud...good work as always

**Thender** · 10-18-2006

Seen 'em...

**Bud** · 10-18-2006

**Thender** · 10-18-2006

Seen that too....

**ob1** · 10-18-2006

Nice ones bud

jpa · 10-19-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thender

Seen that too....

**Bud** · 10-19-2006

How do you keep Thender in suspense ?

**Thender** · 10-19-2006

With bungee cords...

jpa · 10-19-2006

How do you keep Thender in Suspense?

Lynniebits · 10-19-2006

See Bud, Thender gets around...a lot.

**Bud** · 10-19-2006

I guess he does.

**Thender** · 10-19-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by jpa

How do you keep Thender in Suspense?

**Thender** · 10-19-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lynniebits

See Bud, Thender gets around...a lot.

Just as mutch as my walker lets me....

**Bud** · 10-19-2006

Is that what you call her ?

**Thender** · 10-19-2006

No... I call her nurse....

jpa · 10-20-2006

so thats what you call Mikes mom

10-18-2006	#1
Bud Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38 Posts: 11,547 Throcks: 12,606.85 Thanks: 4,804 Thanked 4,483 Times in 1,141 Posts	Problem Solved by Little Old Lady A husky biker stopped by the local Harley shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He also stopped by the feed store and livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane . I would walk you home but I can't carry this stuff." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he said "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me." "How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall and have your way with me?" The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens." __________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

10-18-2006	#2
Lynniebits Fear me, if you dare! Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Back in Counciltucky! Age: 33 Posts: 2,199 Throcks: 357.98 Thanks: 0 Thanked 14 Times in 3 Posts	Re: Problem Solved by Little Old Lady That is so me as an old chick. __________________ Life is too short for bras and uncomfortable shoes.

10-18-2006	#3
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 21,417 Throcks: 4,425.47 Thanks: 5,213 Thanked 5,855 Times in 1,539 Posts	Re: Problem Solved by Little Old Lady Seen it.... Still a good joke... __________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

10-18-2006	#4
jpa Special Members Listens: Podcast Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 28 Posts: 7,036 Throcks: 902.19 Thanks: 147 Thanked 1,589 Times in 340 Posts	Re: Problem Solved by Little Old Lady nice "old" joke __________________ "Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." --Sam Brown

10-18-2006	#5
Bud Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38 Posts: 11,547 Throcks: 12,606.85 Thanks: 4,804 Thanked 4,483 Times in 1,141 Posts	Re: Problem Solved by Little Old Lady Have you heard this one yet ? The bartender was washing his glasses, and an elderly Irishman came in and with great difficulty, hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, asked for a sip of Irish whiskey. The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded and the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey also. The next patron was an ailing Italian with a hunched back and slowness of movement. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting down there. The bartender nodded and the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, also. The third patron, a redneck, swaggered in dragging his knuckles on the floor and hollered. "Barkeep, set me up a cold one. Hey, is that God's Boy down there?" The barkeep nodded, and the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one too. As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, and he got up and danced a jig to the door. Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness you are healed!" The Italian felt his back straighten and he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door. Jesus walked toward the redneck, and the redneck jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me, I'm drawing disability!" __________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

10-18-2006	#10
KUfan_Donnie Recovering Gambling Addict Listens: Podcast Join Date: May 2005 Age: 21 Posts: 3,945 Throcks: 358.88 Thanks: 124 Thanked 53 Times in 11 Posts	Re: Problem Solved by Little Old Lady Those are amusing, Bud...good work as always __________________ Beer is your friend

10-18-2006	#14
ob1 Jedi SlaveBoy Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 6,918 Throcks: 1,556.28 Thanks: 1,356 Thanked 1,499 Times in 332 Posts	Re: Problem Solved by Little Old Lady Nice ones bud __________________ This movie was shot in 3B - three beers - and it looks good, eh?

10-19-2006	#16
Bud Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38 Posts: 11,547 Throcks: 12,606.85 Thanks: 4,804 Thanked 4,483 Times in 1,141 Posts	Re: Problem Solved by Little Old Lady How do you keep Thender in suspense ? __________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

10-20-2006	#25
jpa Special Members Listens: Podcast Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 28 Posts: 7,036 Throcks: 902.19 Thanks: 147 Thanked 1,589 Times in 340 Posts	Re: Problem Solved by Little Old Lady so thats what you call Mikes mom __________________ "Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." --Sam Brown

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