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Chubby · 12-16-2006

A blonde woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "God help us! Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic,
12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHT AS PRESIDENT in January 2009
Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her
first night in the White House. She has waited so long......
The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says,
"How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never tell a lie."
"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that."
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."
"Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."
On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears...
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."

Are you a Democrat, a Republican or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by osing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a 40 Cal Glock, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?
.................................................. .............................................

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the
man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and
knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does
this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to
wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away
while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise
taxes, have paint and weed day, and make this a happier, healthier street
that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to
debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
.................................................. ......................................
Republican's Answer:

BANG!
.................................................. ......................................

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.....
(Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or
the Hollow Points?

Son: Can I shoot the next one!

Wife: You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut.
> After the cut he asked
> about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I
> cannot accept money
> from you; I'm doing community service this week." The
> florist is pleased
> and leaves the shop.
>
> The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop
> there is a thank
> you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his
> door.
>
> Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes
> to pay his bill
> the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept
> money from you;
> I'm doing community service this week." The cop is
> happy and leaves the
> shop.
>
> The next morning when the barber goes to open up there
> is a thank you
> card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
>
> Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he
> goes to pay his
> bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot
> accept money from
> you; I'm doing community service this week." The
> Republican is very
> happy and leaves the shop.
>
> The next morning when the barber goes to open, there
> is a thank you card
> and a dozen different books such as "How to Improve
> Your Business" and
> "Becoming More Successful."
>
> Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he
> goes to pay his bill
> the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept
> money from you;
> I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat
> is very happy and
> leaves the shop.
>
> The next morning when the barber goes to open up,
> there are a dozen
> Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut!
>
> And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental
> difference between
> left and right.

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down
> on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot.
> The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what
> will you have?"
>
> The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini
> please."
> The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the
> best martini the man had ever had. The robot then
> asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"
>
> The man answered "Oh, about 164."
>
> The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of
> relativity', 'inter stellar space travel', 'the
> latest medical breakthroughs', etc.......
>
> The man was most impressed. He left the bar but
> thought he would try a different tact. He returned
> and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked
> what he would have? "A Martini please."
>
> Again it was superb. The robot again asked, "What
> is your IQ sir?"
>
> This time the man answered, "Oh about 100". So the
> robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest
> basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to
> do this week end?
>
> The guy had to try it one more time. So he left,
> returned and took a stool. Again a martini, and the
> question, "What is your IQ?"??
>
> This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".
>
> The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly
> asked,
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ARE YOUR PEOPLE GOING TO NOMINATE HILLORY????????

RyanB. · 12-16-2006

I must be a southern GOP

**Thender** · 12-16-2006

Southerner here too....

jpa · 12-16-2006

harmany · 12-16-2006

southern by the grace of god

lilyvon schtupp · 12-16-2006

i guess i'ma southerner

**Thender** · 12-16-2006

Yeah baby!!!

**Bud** · 12-17-2006

LOL, Good Ones !!!!

12-16-2006	#1
Chubby Yes.... I'm still a Redneck! Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Seward, NE Age: 32 Posts: 1,148 Throcks: 278.95 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Jokes A blonde woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" The woman says, "God help us! Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists." HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHT AS PRESIDENT in January 2009 Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She has waited so long...... The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never tell a lie." "Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that." The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people." "Ohhh! I really don't want to do that." On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears... Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Lincoln says, "Go to the theater." Are you a Democrat, a Republican or a Southerner? Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by osing the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a 40 Cal Glock, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? .................................................. ............................................. Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day, and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus. .................................................. ...................................... Republican's Answer: BANG! .................................................. ...................................... Southerner's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click. Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or the Hollow Points? Son: Can I shoot the next one! Wife: You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist! One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. > After the cut he asked > about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I > cannot accept money > from you; I'm doing community service this week." The > florist is pleased > and leaves the shop. > > The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop > there is a thank > you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his > door. > > Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes > to pay his bill > the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept > money from you; > I'm doing community service this week." The cop is > happy and leaves the > shop. > > The next morning when the barber goes to open up there > is a thank you > card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. > > Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he > goes to pay his > bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot > accept money from > you; I'm doing community service this week." The > Republican is very > happy and leaves the shop. > > The next morning when the barber goes to open, there > is a thank you card > and a dozen different books such as "How to Improve > Your Business" and > "Becoming More Successful." > > Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he > goes to pay his bill > the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept > money from you; > I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat > is very happy and > leaves the shop. > > The next morning when the barber goes to open up, > there are a dozen > Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut! > > And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental > difference between > left and right. A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down > on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. > The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what > will you have?" > > The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini > please." > The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the > best martini the man had ever had. The robot then > asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?" > > The man answered "Oh, about 164." > > The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of > relativity', 'inter stellar space travel', 'the > latest medical breakthroughs', etc....... > > The man was most impressed. He left the bar but > thought he would try a different tact. He returned > and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked > what he would have? "A Martini please." > > Again it was superb. The robot again asked, "What > is your IQ sir?" > > This time the man answered, "Oh about 100". So the > robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest > basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to > do this week end? > > The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, > returned and took a stool. Again a martini, and the > question, "What is your IQ?"?? > > This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50". > > The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly > asked, > > > > > > > > > > > > > ARE YOUR PEOPLE GOING TO NOMINATE HILLORY???????? __________________ Getting Hitched to a Redneck!

12-16-2006	#2
RyanB. even when you know you never know Listens: T95 - Wichita Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Kansas Age: 37 Posts: 1,172 Throcks: 351.07 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Jokes I must be a southern GOP

12-16-2006	#3
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 21,526 Throcks: 4,577.08 Thanks: 5,491 Thanked 6,267 Times in 1,648 Posts	Re: Jokes Southerner here too.... __________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

12-16-2006	#4
jpa Special Members Listens: Podcast Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 28 Posts: 7,049 Throcks: 989.91 Thanks: 213 Thanked 1,664 Times in 356 Posts	Re: Jokes __________________ "Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." --Sam Brown

12-16-2006	#5
harmany TnTU College Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: papillion ne Posts: 576 Throcks: 414.25 Thanks: 0 Thanked 275 Times in 53 Posts	Re: Jokes southern by the grace of god __________________ BIG XII NORTH CHAMPIONS GO TIGERS!!!

12-16-2006	#6
lilyvon schtupp i ride the short bus because i'm Listens: I don't listen Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: counciltucky Posts: 1,549 Throcks: 1,754.89 Thanks: 62 Thanked 935 Times in 196 Posts	Re: Jokes i guess i'ma southerner __________________ "We will NOT allow you to blaspheme The Monkees on this show!"- Todd

12-16-2006	#7
Thender Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 21,526 Throcks: 4,577.08 Thanks: 5,491 Thanked 6,267 Times in 1,648 Posts	Re: Jokes Yeah baby!!! __________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

12-17-2006	#8
Bud Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38 Posts: 11,591 Throcks: 12,698.74 Thanks: 5,082 Thanked 4,659 Times in 1,185 Posts	Re: Jokes LOL, Good Ones !!!! __________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

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