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You're Hired in the Jokes / Music forum at Todd and Tyler Unauthorized - Actual application questionaire submitted by 75 year old, semi-retired Kenneth Way. The company hired him on the spot. NAME: Kenneth ...

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Old 12-17-2006   1 links from elsewhere to this Post. Click to view. #1
2ox
it makes good good sense
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You're Hired

Actual application questionaire submitted by 75 year old, semi-retired Kenneth Way. The company hired him on the spot.



NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

DESIRED SALARY:
£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:
Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:
It was a crap job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes, absolutely.
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Last edited by 2ox; 12-17-2006 at 08:13 AM.
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Old 12-17-2006   #2
Yadda Yadda !!!! Who asked ya ?????
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Re: You're Hired

'ox, you know that was your application, don't lie...
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Old 12-17-2006   #3
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Re: You're Hired

At least he was brutally honest.
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Old 12-17-2006   #4
MMMMMMM......BBQ
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Re: You're Hired

i would hire him
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Old 12-17-2006   #5
Bud
Wanna Bet???
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Re: You're Hired

I know.
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Old 12-17-2006   #6
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Re: You're Hired

the best people are usually the ones that are honest on their apps. and in the interview. i always ask people to describe themselvs in one word and this one guy said "i,m one crazy S.O.B". one of the best servers i ever had. i asked a lady what she liked to do in her spare time and she looked me square in the eyes and said "i loike to drink" she was great also.
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Old 12-17-2006   #7
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Re: You're Hired

Works for me.
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Old 12-18-2006   #8
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Re: You're Hired

hmmmm?
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