12-17-2006
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| it makes good good sense    Listens: I don't listen Join Date: May 2005 Location: on the poor side of town Age: 45
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| You're Hired Actual application questionaire submitted by 75 year old, semi-retired Kenneth Way. The company hired him on the spot. NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I? DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
__________________ "I took a look inside your bedroom door...You looked so good lying on your bed...Well, I asked you if you wanted any rhythm and love...You said you wanna rock 'n' roll instead" Last edited by 2ox; 12-17-2006 at 08:13 AM. |
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12-17-2006
| #2 |
| Twice Baked Pug !!!   Listens: Z92 - Omaha, NE Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 37
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| Re: You're Hired 'ox, you know that was your application, don't lie... 
__________________  "Don't bring a wooden plank to a golf club fight !!"- Bob Reno |
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12-17-2006
| #3 |
| Conservative Independant Bastard   Listens: Z92 - Omaha, NE Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Location: S.W. Iowa Age: 39
Posts: 30,789
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| Re: You're Hired At least he was brutally honest. 
__________________  Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009  Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.  |
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12-17-2006
| #4 |
| MMMMMMM......BBQ  Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: THE UNIQUE CITY OF BELLEVUE Age: 32
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 | Re: You're Hired i would hire him
__________________ THIS SPACE FOR RENT. |
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12-17-2006
| #5 |
| Wanna Bet???   Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 39
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| Re: You're Hired I know.  |
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12-17-2006
| #6 |
| MMMMMMM......BBQ Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: THE UNIQUE CITY OF BELLEVUE Age: 32
Posts: 3,042
Throcks: 31.64 Thanks: 7,715
Thanked 2,886 Times in 546 Posts
| Re: You're Hired the best people are usually the ones that are honest on their apps. and in the interview. i always ask people to describe themselvs in one word and this one guy said "i,m one crazy S.O.B". one of the best servers i ever had. i asked a lady what she liked to do in her spare time and she looked me square in the eyes and said "i loike to drink" she was great also. 
__________________ THIS SPACE FOR RENT. |
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12-17-2006
| #7 |
| Conservative Independant Bastard Listens: Z92 - Omaha, NE Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Location: S.W. Iowa Age: 39
Posts: 30,789
Throcks: 18,088.84 Thanks: 34,751
Thanked 42,258 Times in 10,912 Posts
| Re: You're Hired Works for me.
__________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush. |
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12-18-2006
| #8 |
| Sodomy for Hire, Solicting for Immoral Purposes  Listens: I don't listen Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: counciltucky
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| Re: You're Hired hmmmm?
__________________ And in Asia, there's been a string of karaoke-bar stabbings and shootings, including a horrific incident in Bangkok in which eight amateur singers were murdered by their neighbor, reportedly due in part to his hatred of John Denver's "Country Roads." |
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