Todd and Tyler Unauthorized

2ox · 12-17-2006

Actual application questionaire submitted by 75 year old, semi-retired Kenneth Way. The company hired him on the spot.

NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

DESIRED SALARY:
£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:
Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:
It was a crap job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes, absolutely.

mike · 12-17-2006

'ox, you know that was your application, don't lie...

Thender · 12-17-2006

At least he was brutally honest.

josh · 12-17-2006

i would hire him

Bud · 12-17-2006

I know.

josh · 12-17-2006

the best people are usually the ones that are honest on their apps. and in the interview. i always ask people to describe themselvs in one word and this one guy said "i,m one crazy S.O.B". one of the best servers i ever had. i asked a lady what she liked to do in her spare time and she looked me square in the eyes and said "i loike to drink" she was great also.

Thender · 12-17-2006

Works for me.

lilyvon schtupp · 12-18-2006

hmmmm?

12-17-2006	#1
2ox it makes good good sense Listens: I don't listen Join Date: May 2005 Location: on the poor side of town Age: 46 Posts: 3,645 Throcks: 2,636.59 Thanks: 11 Thanked 611 Times in 128 Posts	You're Hired Actual application questionaire submitted by 75 year old, semi-retired Kenneth Way. The company hired him on the spot. NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I? DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. __________________ "I took a look inside your bedroom door...You looked so good lying on your bed...Well, I asked you if you wanted any rhythm and love...You said you wanna rock 'n' roll instead" Last edited by 2ox; 12-17-2006 at 08:13 AM.

12-17-2006	#2
mike Yadda Yadda !!!! Who asked ya ????? Listens: Z92 - Omaha, NE Mornings (KEZO-FM) Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 31,482 Throcks: 80,116.26 Thanks: 52,010 Thanked 65,004 Times in 18,373 Posts	Re: You're Hired 'ox, you know that was your application, don't lie... __________________ "Don't confuse hate with the truth !!!"

12-17-2006	#3
Thender TnTU Guru Listens: Z92 - Omaha, NE Mornings (KEZO-FM) Join Date: May 2005 Age: 40 Posts: 34,133 Throcks: 43,444.65 Thanks: 50,202 Thanked 54,033 Times in 14,258 Posts	Re: You're Hired At least he was brutally honest. __________________

12-17-2006	#4
josh MMMMMMM......BBQ Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: THE UNIQUE CITY OF BELLEVUE Age: 33 Posts: 3,081 Throcks: 95.89 Thanks: 7,890 Thanked 3,058 Times in 585 Posts	Re: You're Hired i would hire him __________________ THIS SPACE FOR RENT.

12-17-2006	#5
Bud Wanna Bet??? Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 40 Posts: 17,003 Throcks: 1,929.91 Thanks: 29,752 Thanked 28,127 Times in 6,599 Posts	Re: You're Hired I know. __________________ Click Here, Free Naked Ladies

12-17-2006	#6
josh MMMMMMM......BBQ Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: THE UNIQUE CITY OF BELLEVUE Age: 33 Posts: 3,081 Throcks: 95.89 Thanks: 7,890 Thanked 3,058 Times in 585 Posts	Re: You're Hired the best people are usually the ones that are honest on their apps. and in the interview. i always ask people to describe themselvs in one word and this one guy said "i,m one crazy S.O.B". one of the best servers i ever had. i asked a lady what she liked to do in her spare time and she looked me square in the eyes and said "i loike to drink" she was great also. __________________ THIS SPACE FOR RENT.

12-17-2006	#7
Thender TnTU Guru Listens: Z92 - Omaha, NE Mornings (KEZO-FM) Join Date: May 2005 Age: 40 Posts: 34,133 Throcks: 43,444.65 Thanks: 50,202 Thanked 54,033 Times in 14,258 Posts	Re: You're Hired Works for me. __________________

12-18-2006	#8
lilyvon schtupp Sodomy for Hire, Solicting for Immoral Purposes Listens: I don't listen Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: counciltucky Posts: 2,627 Throcks: 10,835.99 Thanks: 125 Thanked 6,115 Times in 1,272 Posts	Re: You're Hired hmmmm? __________________ lib·er·tar·i·an: One who advocates maximizing individual rights and minimizing the role of the state. -- American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition

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