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Chubby

Potty Talk
A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and
does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the
library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often
comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you
never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked.
There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of
his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never
have I wished this more than lastweek at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with
me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom
that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second
to the last stall: "Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you
putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da
toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?" At this point I started mentally counting how
many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls
were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had
to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity. Cade
continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good
girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the
potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see
in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna
get some candy! "

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of
me. Where is a screaming newborn when you need her? Good grief. This was
really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time
before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, "Why don't you look in
Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!
"No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!" He started to gag
at this point. "Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze
stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!" As the gags became
louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the
toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself:
OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be
reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone. "Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.

"Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?" More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the
situation. "Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out
now, Mommy." He started pounding on the door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!" I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan
was unraveling. As I sheepishly opened the door, and found an open sink,
I thought, Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my privacy? But as my little herald gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses
public restroom.

__________________
Getting Hitched to a Redneck!

Thender

Smack the kid till he changes the subject to crying....

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Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009

Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.