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can you speak english? in the Jokes / Music forum at Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums - this is why spanish is much easier, imho Tim Vana/Omaha, NE ----- Original Message ----- From: " Subject: Fwd: Is ...

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Old 03-20-2007   #1
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can you speak english?

this is why spanish is much easier, imho
Tim Vana/Omaha, NE

----- Original Message -----
From: " Subject: Fwd: Is English Easy?????

>
>
>> Can you read these right the first time?
>>
>>1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
>>2) The farm was used to produce produce.
>>3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
>>4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
>>5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
>>6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
>>7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
>>present
>> the present .
>>8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
>>9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
>>10) I did not object to the object.
>>11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
>>12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
>>13) They were too close to the door to close it.
>>14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
>>15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
>>16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
>>17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
>>18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
>>19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
>>20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
>>
>>Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant,
>>nor
>>ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
>>weren't
>>invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies
>>while
>>sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted.
>>But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,
>>boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it
>>a pig.
>>
>>And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
>>groce and
>>hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural
>>of
>>booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2
>>indices?
>>Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
>>If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
>>what do you call it?
>>
>>If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
>>vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the
>>English
>>speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what
>>language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck
>>and
>>send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
>>
>>How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
>>and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
>>of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
>>in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes
>>off by going on.
>>
>>English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
>>creativity of
>>the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when
>>the
>>stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are
>>invisible.
>>
>>PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"
>

Tim Vana
Omaha,NE
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Old 03-20-2007   #2
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Re: can you speak english?

Quote:
Can you read these right the first time?
Yes I can, this is America where we speak English.
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Old 03-20-2007   #3
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Re: can you speak english?

No problems here, mi vita!
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Old 03-20-2007   #4
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Re: can you speak english?

No problems with me either...

I happen to be English literate.
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Old 03-20-2007   #5
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Re: can you speak english?

i give credit to my fellow TNTers
i'll bet if this goes to the "man on the street"
it'll be as silly as when TV asks people about geography
or when
jay leno asks people if they masticate
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Old 03-20-2007   #6
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Re: can you speak english?

I masticate at least 2 times a day...it's more enjoyable when you masticate with others.
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Old 03-20-2007   #7
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Re: can you speak english?

if you only masticate twice daily
you may have digestion problems
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Old 03-20-2007   #8
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Re: can you speak english?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bud8Fan View Post
Yes I can, this is America where we speak English.
Hell, we really don't speak English--that is, of course, unless you consider apartments to be "flats" and "rows" to be arguments.

We speak American, a form of broken English that we have crafted for over 200 years

Regarding lilyvon's post: This might explain why the rest of the world thinks we're idiots

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Old 03-20-2007   #9
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Re: can you speak english?

I don't give a rat's ass. If everyone thinks we're idiots, so be it. Look at how much shit we are beating them at. Money, military, god damn quality of living...! Sorry just a an opinion.
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Old 03-20-2007   #10
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Re: can you speak english?

I China is winning the money part. I just heard they have a one trillion US dollar trade surplus.
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Old 03-20-2007   #11
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Re: can you speak english?

who cares
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Old 03-21-2007   #12
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Re: can you speak english?

You will when they buy the company you work for.
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Old 03-21-2007   #13
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Re: can you speak english?

English Muffins aren't English...........WHAT!!!!!
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Old 03-23-2007   #14
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Re: can you speak english?

I don't care where fries were invented. I just know that Mc Donald's has the best.
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Old 03-23-2007   #15
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Re: can you speak english?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom "In The Closet" Cruise View Post
I don't care where fries were invented. I just know that Mc Donald's has the best.


Amen!
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Old 03-23-2007   #16
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Re: can you speak english?

Damn straight!
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Old 03-23-2007   #17
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Re: can you speak english?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom "In The Closet" Cruise View Post
I don't care where fries were invented. I just know that Mc Donald's has the best.
i'm partial to runza's myself
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Old 03-26-2007   #18
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Re: can you speak english?

Runza or Don & Millies.....



Burger King has the worst......tastes like deep fried cardboard
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Old 03-26-2007   #19
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Re: can you speak english?

Don & Millies are good but nothing beats Mickey D's

Runza's remind me of the ones at the grocery store in the freezer section.
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Old 03-26-2007   #20
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Re: can you speak english?

I'm with you 'ox. Runza has the thick fries, salted plenty, they taste great.
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Old 03-26-2007   #21
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Re: can you speak english?

Runza, then McD's for me...
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Old 03-26-2007   #22
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Re: can you speak english?

When Hardee's was around I used to love their curly fries.

The best curly fries were from Riverside on Hwy 73/75 on the south bank of the Platte River back in the 70's and early 80's.
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Old 03-26-2007   #23
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Re: can you speak english?

Hardees' curly fries were the shit. Along with their Frisco burger/chicken.
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Old 03-26-2007   #24
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Re: can you speak english?

Mmmmm, yes the mushroom and swiss Frisco Burger !
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Old 03-26-2007   #25
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Re: can you speak english?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bud8Fan View Post
When Hardee's was around I used to love their curly fries.

The best curly fries were from Riverside on Hwy 73/75 on the south bank of the Platte River back in the 70's and early 80's.


I used to go there when I was a kid. Don't remember the food but I do remember the giant tortoise that used to be there. Skipping rocks into the Platte.

Is that BBQ place still there? Ernies? The ribs were pretty good...
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