Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

lilyvon schtupp

I've typed this out from an Audio Book, so I don't claim 100% accuracy for this. 101 Big Dick jokes was started by Drew Carey, and the list grew from contributions by friends around him. He had even considered writing a book named "101 Big Dick Jokes" under an assumed name. Well, that's what he told us anyways.

Warning: Not for the easily offended!

1. My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime.
2. My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and my dick got right in. I had to stand and argue with the doorman.
3. My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.
4. My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
5. My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school.
6. My dick has an elevator and a lobby.
7. My dick has better credit than I do.
8. My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum.
9. My dick is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.
10. My dick is so big, it has casters.
11. My dick is so big, I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow.
12. My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor.
13. My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.
14. My dick is so big, it lives next door.
15. My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second, and third.
16. My dick is so big, it votes.
17. My dick is a better dresser than I am.
18. My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal.
19. My dick is so big that the head of it has only seen my balls in pictures.
20. My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750th home run.
21. My dick runs the 440 in 15 seconds
22. My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob.
23. No matter where I go, my dick always gets there first.
24. My dick takes longer lunches than I do.
25. My dick contributed fifty thousand dollars to the Democratic National Committee.
26. My dick was once the ambassador to China.
27. My dick is so big, it's gone condo.
28. My dick hit .370 in the minors before it hurt its knee.
29. My dick was almost drafted by the Cleveland Browns, but Art Modell didn't want a bigger dick than he was on the team.
30. My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a French tickler.
31. It's so big, when it rains the head of my dick doesn't get wet.
32. My dick is so big, I could wear it as a tie if I wasn't so afraid of getting a hard-on and killing myself.
33. My dick is so big, I have to use an elastic zipper.
34. My dick is so big, it has feet.
35. My dick is so big, a homeless family lives underneath it.
36. My dick is so big, it takes four fat women and a team of Clydesdales to jack me off.
37. My dick is so big, my mother was in labor for three extra days.
38. My dick is so big, they use the bullet train to test my condoms.
39. My dick is so big, it has investors.
40. My dick is so big, it seats six.
41. My dick is so big, I use a hula hoop as a cock ring.
42. My dick is so big, we use it at parties as a limbo pole.
43. My dick is so big, King Kong is going to crawl up it in the next remake.
44. My dick is so big, it has an opening act.
45. My dick is so big I can fuck an elevator shaft.
46. My dick is so big, it has its own Wheaties box.
47. My dick is so big, I have to cook it breakfast in the mornings.
48. My dick is so big, the city had to carve a hole in the middle of it so cars could get through.
49. My dick is so big, every time I get hard I cause a solar eclipse.
50. My dick is so big, it only plays arenas.
51. If you cut my dick in two, you can tell how old I am.
52. My dick was once set on fire for a Dino DiLaurentis movie.
53. My dick is so big, it needs an airplane warning light.
54. My dick is so big, Trump owns it.
55. My dick is so big that we're all a part of it, and it's all a part of us.
56. My dick is so big, I can never sit in the front row.
57. My dick is so big, that it has its own dick. And even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.
58. My dick is so big, you can't blow me without a ladder.
59. My dick is so big, it only does one show a night.
60. My dick is so big, you can ski down it.
61. My dick is so big, it has an elbow.
62. My dick is so big, I have to check it as luggage when I fly.
63. My dick is so big, it has a personal trainer.
64. My dick is so big, that right now it's in the other room fixing us drinks.
65. My dick is so big, it has a retractable dome.
66. My dick is so big, it has stairs up the center like the Statue of Liberty.
67. My dick is so big, there's a sneaker named "Air My Dick"
68. My dick is so big, I'm it's bitch.
69. My dick is so big, it's against the law to fuck me without protective headgear.
70. My dick is so big, I could fuck a tuba.
71. My dick is so big, Stephen Hawking has a theory about it.
72. My dick is so big, it has its own gravity
73. NASA once launched a space probe to search for the tip of my dick.
74. My dick is so big, it's impossible to see all of it without a satellite.
75. The inside of my dick contains billions and billions of stars.
76. My dick is so big, it has a spine.
77. My dick is so big, it has a basement.
78. My dick is so big, movie theaters now serve popcorn in small, medium, large, and My Dick.
79. My dick is more muscular than I am.
80. My dick is so big it has cable.
81. My dick is so big, it violates seventeen zoning laws.
82. My dick is so big, it has its own page in the Sierra Club calendar.
83. My dick is so big, it has a fifty-yard line.
84. My dick is so big, I was once in Ohio and got a blow job in Tennessee.
85. My dick is so big, Las Vegas casinos fly it into town for free.
86. My dick is so big, I can braid it.
87. My dick is so big, that when it's Eastern Standard Time at the tip, it's Central Mountain Time at my balls.
88. My dick is so big, I painted the foreskin red, white, and blue and used it as a flag.
89. My dick is so big, I can sit on it.
90. My dick is so big, it can chew gum.
91. My dick is so big, it only tips with hundreds.
92. My dick is so big, the Carnegie Deli named a sandwich after it. Actually, two sandwiches.
93. My dick is so big, the city was going to build a statue of it but they ran out of cement.
94. My dick is so big, Michael Jackson wants to build an amusement park on it.
95. My dick is so big, when I get hard my eyebrows get pulled down to my neck.
96. My dick is so big, you're standing on it.
97. My dick is so big, it only comes into work when it feels like it.
98. My dick is so big, it plays golf with the president.
99. My dick is so big, it charges money for its autograph.
100. My dick is so big, it has an agent. My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my dick.
101. My dick is so big, it's right behind you.

1. My dick is so big, when I broke my leg, they didn't put a cast on it, they just strapped it to my dick.
2. My dick is so big, when I was in a porno, they had to release it on a 4 disc DVD box set.
3. My dick is so big, it thinks the Grand Canyon is a virgin.
4. My dick is so big, autumn haze is not even considering taking it.
5. My dick is so big, they named the invasion of Normandy after it. (usually just known as D day)
6. My dick is so big, interplanetary distances are measured in light years and my dick years.
7. My dick is so big, it bought Microsoft from petty cash.
8. My dick is so big, FedEx won't insure it.
9. My dick is so big, it has a horizon.
10. My dick is so big, it has tonsils.
11. My dick is so big, it's known as Doctor Pecker.
12. My dick is so big, I run three-legged races by myself.
13. My dick is so big, that when I fly, it has to take the train.
14. My dick is so big, it posts big dick jokes.
15. My dick is so big, that it can think of far more big dick jokes than I can.
16. My dick is so big, they refuse to put me in prison.
17. My dick is so big, I can shoot for the Moon.
18. My dick is so big, its a Weapon of Ass Destruction.
19. My dick is so big, when I fall down, I fuck everyone in China.
20. My dick is so big, it urinates by telepathy.
21. My dick is so big, I left it at home.
22. My dick is so big, it don't have veins, it has pipes.
23. My dick is so big, sometimes it jerks me off.
24. My dick is so big it was impeached by Congress.
25. My dick is so big, Florida had to measure it twice.
26. My dick is so big, it killed its ex-wife and got away with it scott free.
27. My dick is so big, it's not just famous, it's IN famous.
28. My dick is so big, it has a stunt double.
29. My dick is so big, that I look like its dick in front of it!
30. My dick is so big, compasses do not function properly around it.
31. My dick is so big, the Pope has blessed it.
32. My dick is so big, Al Gore invented it
33. My dick is so big, black holes fall into it.
34. My dick is so big, premature ejaculation takes ninety minutes.
35. My dick is so big, it's wanted in nine states, and Canada.
36. My dick is so big, when I get aroused, the Earth develops an elliptical orbit.
37. My dick is so big, it's in a boy band with four other big dicks.
38. My dick is so big, it's a government scapegoat.
39. My dick is so big, it has its own seat in Congress.
40. My dick is so big, it's worshipped as a Pagan God.
41. My dick is so big, I can change channels without the remote.
42. My dick is so big, I use it to smuggle illegal immigrants across the border.
43. My dick is so big, I have to stand in the hall when I take a piss.
44. My dick is so big it gives me an allowance.
45. My dick is so big Alan Greenspan uses it to raise interest rates.
46. My dick is so big, if I didn't sleep on my side, planes would crash into it at night.
47. My dick is so big, I have to use a complex irrigation system just to take a piss.
48. My dick is so big, it has it's own time zone - central dick time.
49. My dick is so big, it could feed Ethiopia for a month.
50. My dick is so big, it's ri-dick-ulous.
51. My dick is so big, Frodo carried the Ring to it.
52. My dick is so big, Osama bin Laden tried to fly a 747 into it.
53. My dick is so big, it has its own moon.
54. My dick is so big, it has its own wing at the Louvre.
55. My dick is so big, Jimmy Hoffa is still hiding below it.
56. My dick is so big, it has its own telethon.

__________________
He died at the age of 92 beneath my painting of Leonardo's Last Supper (now renamed The Last Cuppa) on the guest bedroom wall. He had a cup of tea at his lips held by my mother saying, "Buck up, Dad. You can't refuse a cup of tea. You've never refused a cup of tea in your life." He only did so the once.-- ralph steadman

ob1

lmao...those are great lily, thanks!

My personal favorite:

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"Hey, great..."

jpa

__________________
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
--Sam Brown

mike

I like 'em!

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"The moving sidewalk is coming to an end, please lift up your balls !!"- Todd

Thender

Nice!

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Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009

Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

KUfan_Donnie

Some of these are really funny

Thanks lilyvon

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Beer is your friend

lilyvon schtupp

__________________
He died at the age of 92 beneath my painting of Leonardo's Last Supper (now renamed The Last Cuppa) on the guest bedroom wall. He had a cup of tea at his lips held by my mother saying, "Buck up, Dad. You can't refuse a cup of tea. You've never refused a cup of tea in your life." He only did so the once.-- ralph steadman

Bud

Some good ones in there.

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Time is Short

Click Here, Free Naked Ladies

2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

harmany

great post

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BIG XII NORTH CHAMPIONS
GO TIGERS!!!

lilyvon schtupp

4. The Rifleman
You could arrange a boy holding a pile of wood, and a cowboy staring knowingly into his eyes all day long and not get a more suggestive pose than this.
For the sake of critical analysis, I've decided to make a silhouette of just the cowboy and the logs shown here:
It's every man's dream to have a penis so large that he must hire a small boy to carry it.

__________________
He died at the age of 92 beneath my painting of Leonardo's Last Supper (now renamed The Last Cuppa) on the guest bedroom wall. He had a cup of tea at his lips held by my mother saying, "Buck up, Dad. You can't refuse a cup of tea. You've never refused a cup of tea in your life." He only did so the once.-- ralph steadman

Thender

__________________

Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009

Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

RyanB.

That is a long and distinguished list just like my dick, and Lily not all men hire small boys to carry them, I just got married!

jpa

__________________
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
--Sam Brown

lilyvon schtupp

__________________
He died at the age of 92 beneath my painting of Leonardo's Last Supper (now renamed The Last Cuppa) on the guest bedroom wall. He had a cup of tea at his lips held by my mother saying, "Buck up, Dad. You can't refuse a cup of tea. You've never refused a cup of tea in your life." He only did so the once.-- ralph steadman

2ox

how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Conners?

lilyvon schtupp

i'd chuck conners
any day of the week

__________________
He died at the age of 92 beneath my painting of Leonardo's Last Supper (now renamed The Last Cuppa) on the guest bedroom wall. He had a cup of tea at his lips held by my mother saying, "Buck up, Dad. You can't refuse a cup of tea. You've never refused a cup of tea in your life." He only did so the once.-- ralph steadman