Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

2ox

Men Are Just Happier People - What do you expect from such simple creatures?


Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $2000. Tux - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is 5 bucks for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

Bud

I like it

__________________
Time is Short

Click Here, Free Naked Ladies

2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

Flounder

Great list. I have a couple of things to add

It's alright for guys to have skidmarks in their underwear
You don't have to love your Mother - In Law

Thender

^^ Nice Ox!!!

__________________
Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

jpa

seen them, but like it

__________________
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
--Sam Brown

ob1

Thanks for reminding how great it is to be a man.

KUfan_Donnie

All great

__________________
One weekend survived

lilyvon schtupp

__________________
"Radio should be stimulating people rather than actually killing them into a state of apathy, which I think has happened."
-- Adam Clayton, 1992

mike

but you still luv us!

__________________
"A 'madame' ain't nothing but a hooker with higher aspirations."- Craig Evans

RyanB.

Hell Yeah!

Hey nothing about not bleeding for a week(and not dying)

lilyvon schtupp

yeah, true
you guys are the ones with the
fleshy dicks

__________________
"Radio should be stimulating people rather than actually killing them into a state of apathy, which I think has happened."
-- Adam Clayton, 1992

2ox

I guess you're right. fleshy dick has a better ring to it than emaciated penis

__________________
"Sheep go to heaven, goats go to Daves"

deutsch1979

The garage is all yours. (And one room the wife doesn't have to clean)
Wedding plans take care of themselves. (But we finally got you to say "I do")
Chocolate is just another snack. (Because you love your beer belly)
You can be President. (Insert Bush joke here)
You can never be pregnant. (But have several illegitimate children running around)
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. (But most of us would prefer you cover up completely)
Car mechanics tell you the truth. (Men just think they tell them the truth cuz they don't want to believe they got taken too)
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. (Righty tighty, lefty loosy)
Same work, more pay. (Thats why we choose to stay home and spend your money)
Wrinkles add character. (And men wonder why women go for younger men)
Wedding dress $2000. Tux - $100. (See above, still grabbing the bill, buddy)
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. (Not your penis neither)
One mood all the time. (The "I don't give a damn" Mood)
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. (Cuz you couldn't talk to your mistress for too long without cover being blown) :)
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. (Cuz your wife packed inhers, all that she knew you'd REALLY need to bring)
Your underwear is 5 bucks for a three-pack. (And lasts you 5 years)
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. (Cuz your wife ironed them out already, silly)

__________________
Its pronounced DOYTCH!

Bud

__________________
Time is Short

Click Here, Free Naked Ladies

2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

jpa

__________________
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
--Sam Brown

Thender

Saucer of milk and table for one?

__________________
Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

mike

One mood all the time- the I don't give a damn mood.


that's because you ladies are too moody and stress the small things.

__________________
"A 'madame' ain't nothing but a hooker with higher aspirations."- Craig Evans

Bud

A big AMEN to that

__________________
Time is Short

Click Here, Free Naked Ladies

2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!!

jpa

^I'll second that

__________________
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
--Sam Brown

Thender

I'll third it

__________________
Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

MMM

Why Women are Happier..

Women...
*...Can spend time alone with Catholic priests, Boy Scout leaders, and Baptist Youth ministers without feeling sexually threatened
* ...Don't worry about going bald
* ...Can always get a man to do the jobs you don't want by acting femine.
* ...Can be bitchy and then just blame it on their hormones and all is forgiven.
* ...Never have to rearrange their testicles while wearing tight pants
* ...Never get their sex organs caught in their zippers while drunk
* ...Don't have to run a super-sharp piece of metal over their facial epidermal layer each and every morning of their adult lives.
* ...Can bludgeon someone to death with a baseball bat and then get off scot-free by claiming a "hormonal imbalance"
* ...Don't have to go in a pubic women's restroom and worry about some previous occupant pissing and shitting on the seat, the floor, and the surrounding walls.
* ...ALWAYS outlive their husbands.
* ...In a moment of anger, can call someone a "cunt" without being exiled and excommunicated from the community of humankind.
* ...know exactly what to do when a child is sick.
* ...don't have a freaky, semi-oedipal relationship with their overbearing mothers
* ...have an astute, innate sense of when to change underwear before it becomes a Petri Dish for bacteria development
* ...never pull a back muscle screaming at the television during a sports event.
* ...don't have to worry about which family member will inherit and care for their collection of baseball caps
* ...never lose six hours on a Saturday morning watching fishing shows on OLN
* ...can terminate a bladder emptying event without waiting for 'the shake'
* ...can tell their doctors anything
* ...Can simulate a perfect, entire sex act with nothing more than ten idle minutes and a_____.

Oh, and the best one of all:

* ...MULTIPLE ORGASMS

mike

what happened to staying on topic??

__________________
"A 'madame' ain't nothing but a hooker with higher aspirations."- Craig Evans

MMM

First of all - this is the bottom half of the site.. So it is fair game.

Second of all - All I did was add two "wo" and the word man became even better...

Third - I am the moderator - Don't make me use my stick on you..

mike

That's right you are the moderator, so you above all people should follow your own rules. Otherwise they are pointless..

__________________
"A 'madame' ain't nothing but a hooker with higher aspirations."- Craig Evans

Flounder

The list, "Why Women are Happier", is true on every point made...