4 Days Ago
| #1 |
| i ride the short bus because i'm    Listens: I don't listen Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: counciltucky
Posts: 1,271
| i stole sum jokes A Guy walks into a bar and asks the Bartenders for 5 shots of the strongest stuff he has. The Bartender lines them up and the Guy shoots them down. The bartender says " A man Drinks like that He must have a Reason." The Guy says " Well, just now, back in the alley I had my first ever blow job." The Bartender laughs and says " Really? Well congrats son, have one more on the house." The Guy shakes his head and says " No thanks, if Five shots didn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will." The Pope, a robot, and a Vietnamese tranny walk into a bar and the bartender goes, "Whoa, this is the weirdest joke I've ever been in.." A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street together when they see a little boy sitting all alone on a bench. The priest nudges the rabbi and says "Hey, you see that little boy? Let's go over there and fuck him." The rabbi looks at the priest and says "Out of what?" Why is sex the best with twenty-three year-olds? If one starts crying for her mommy, you still have 19 of them left. Recently divorced woman finds a washed up lamp on an empty beach. Takes the lamp home, while scrubbing the lamp clean, a genie pops out. Offering her 3 wishes, but with a warning, "whatever you ask for, your worst enemy will receive twice that." She asks for, "100 million dollars and to look 10 years younger." the genie responds, "done. and now your ex-husband has 200 million dollars and looks 20 years younger." She considers her last wish for a minute, then says, "Ok, scare me half to death." A man strips himself naked and wraps himself in cellophane. He hops over to his psychiatrist's office and bursts through the door. His psychiatrists looks up from his desk and says "I can clearly see your nuts". What do you call a dog with short legs and steel balls? "Sparky" What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork. A bear and a rabbit were in the woods taking a shit. The bear looked at the rabbit and asked: "Rabbit, do you ever have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit said: "Why no, bear, I don't." So the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass with him. Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom and sees his dad giving his mum one, his dad just laughs, throws a pillow at him and shouts "get out!" A little while later Johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's bedroom, he rushes in and is horrified to see Johnny shagging his gran - Johnny just looks at him and says "not so funny when it's your mum is it?" So I'm laying in bed next to my girlfriend, and she's obviously got something on my mind. "Honey, what's wrong?" I ask. She sighs and says "I'm sorry, I have to break up with you." I reply "What?? Why?" "Well," she says,"my friends all say that you're a pedophile." I sit there for a few seconds, thinking about this, and say "Pedophile is an awfully big word for a seven year old." What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken! At a party recently a friend of mine was bragging about how smart her little girl is. She told me her little girl could answer any question. So I asked the little girl her theory on how and why Santa Claus was murdered. You should have seen the look on that little girl's face. I stumped her ass. When Tom started his new job at the office, the team decided to take him to lunch. He told his new friends of his world travels. "Niger," Tom said. "You ever been to Niger? It's a country in Africa." Then, he realized he might be pronouncing Niger wrong. But it was too late. And that's the story of why we don't invite Tom to lunch anymore. Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctor's office, and all three of them are knitting little baby sweaters as they wait for their checkups. The first woman, knitting her little sweater, turns to the other two and proudly declares "I'm taking extra calcium, because I want MY baby to have strong bones!" The second woman, knitting her little sweater, turns to the other two and proudly declares "Well, I'M taking extra protein, because I want MY baby to have strong muscles!" The third woman, knitting her little sweater, turns to the other two and declares "Well, I'm smoking crack... 'cuz I can't figure out how to knit ARMS on this damn thing!" Q: Why do blond women have bruised belly buttons? A: They have blond boyfriends. A Bear is chasing a rabbit in the woods one day and and they stumble into a leprechaun. The leprechaun stops them and tells them he will grant each one three wishes. The only stipulation is they have to be fair and take turns. The bear says, "Oh! me first, I wish that all the Bears in this forest are female. The leprechaun says "okay, done" The rabbit quickly says, "My turn! I wish for a motorcycle" and poof a motorcycle appears. The bear is confused, why not just ask for all the money in the world so the rabbit could just buy a motorcycle and whatever he wants? Anyway, the bear says "my turn, I wish all the bears in the neighboring woods are all female!" The leprechaun again, says your wish has come true. "My turn!" says the rabbit and wishes "I wish for a helmet" and bam! a helmet appears on the motorcycle. The bear again confused gives up trying to understand the rabbits logic and says "fuck it, I'm horny, I want evey bear in every forest but me to be female besides me!" The leprechaun says "your wish is granted you are going to be one happy bear!" With that, the rabbit puts on the helmet, gets on the motorcycle and says "I wish this bear was gay" and rides out of there like a bat out of hell! there's a buttload more here: Ain't It Cool News: The best in movie, TV, DVD, and comic book news.
__________________ A man melts the sands so he can see the world outside.--U2, Lemon |
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4 Days Ago
| #2 |
| Always riding the ragged edge of disaster.  Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38
Posts: 18,079
| Re: i stole sum jokes 
__________________ Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush. 4th place, 2008 TNTU.net college fantasy football... Bud came in 6th...  |
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3 Days Ago
| #3 |
| Your Mom hates you, she told me so....  Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Aug 2005 Age: 45
Posts: 1,155
| Re: i stole sum jokes Hell...steal some more...those are great....
__________________ I just plunked down 5 G's on Puss--ob1 |
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3 Days Ago
| #4 |
| 1-800-BETS-OFF  Listens: Podcast Join Date: May 2005 Age: 21
Posts: 3,480
| Re: i stole sum jokes  Funny stuff--steal away
__________________ One weekend survived  |
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