07-20-2008
| #1 |
| Your Mom hates you, she told me so....     Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Aug 2005 Age: 45
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| A Funny Letter This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter. Enjoy. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants......Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.' Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'. Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull----. And that's a promise I will keep. Always. . . Best, Wendi Aarons Austin , TX
__________________  I'm giving serious consideration...to eating your wife...Hannibal Lechter |
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07-20-2008
| #2 |
| BOOOOOOOOOOOOBIES!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!  Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36
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| Re: A Funny Letter God I hope to Christ she is single. Otherwise, there is guy going through the waiting period for his gun right now !!! 
__________________  If I like you, leave a message. If I don't , don't bother. If I don't know you, why the hell you calling me ?? |
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07-20-2008
| #3 |
| i ride the short bus because i'm  Listens: I don't listen Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: counciltucky
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| Re: A Funny Letter i am jealous of her humor(my periods aren't quite as bad, i guess)
__________________ "We will NOT allow you to blaspheme The Monkees on this show!"- Todd |
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07-20-2008
| #4 |
| MMMMMMM......BBQ  Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: THE UNIQUE CITY OF BELLEVUE Age: 31
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 | Re: A Funny Letter holy shit... Have a happy period.
__________________ THIS SPACE FOR RENT. |
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07-20-2008
| #5 |
| Wanna Bet???   Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38
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| Re: A Funny Letter Have a Happy Period. 
__________________  Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!! |
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07-20-2008
| #6 |
| Always riding the ragged edge of disaster.  Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38
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| Re: A Funny Letter  
__________________  Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009  Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.  |
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07-20-2008
| #7 |
| Your Mom hates you, she told me so.... Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Aug 2005 Age: 45
Posts: 5,444
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| Re: A Funny Letter Would'nt want to be her husband....she sounds dangerous....
__________________ I'm giving serious consideration...to eating your wife...Hannibal Lechter |
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07-20-2008
| #8 |
| TnTU College   Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: papillion ne
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| Re: A Funny Letter "have a happy period" should be on a bumper sticker
__________________ BIG XII NORTH CHAMPIONS GO TIGERS!!! |
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07-20-2008
| #9 |
| Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38
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| Re: A Funny Letter That's asking for trouble!!!
__________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush. |
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07-20-2008
| #10 |
| Your Mom hates you, she told me so.... Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Aug 2005 Age: 45
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| Re: A Funny Letter Talk about putting a bullseye on yer back.....
__________________ I'm giving serious consideration...to eating your wife...Hannibal Lechter |
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07-21-2008
| #11 |
| Jedi SlaveBoy  Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38
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| Re: A Funny Letter Damn!
__________________ Ban the lizards!  |
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07-21-2008
| #12 |
| Special Members  Listens: Podcast Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Omaha Age: 28
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| Re: A Funny Letter 
__________________ "Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." --Sam Brown |
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07-22-2008
| #13 |
| TnTU College  Listens: T95 - Wichita Join Date: Jun 2007 Age: 32
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| Re: A Funny Letter i think that it's funny that she called him out like that. but you know what the real funny thing is, he probably had a team of women thinking that crap up.
__________________ I slipped on a crab. Who put that crab there? I don't see any crab. Don't tell me. There were two crabs they work in pairs. - Hot Shots! |
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