Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

2ox

In the Late 1800s a little girl named Virginia asked the New York Times if there was a Santa Clause. The reply is now famous.

Someone thought it would be fun to ask the scientists at NASA the same question. Here is their reply:

No known species of reindeer can fly. But there ARE 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has seen.

There are two billion children (under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn't appear to handle Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist and Jewish children, which reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 138 million or so.

At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there is at least one good child in each. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west. This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining gifts under the tree, eat snacks, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh, and move to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million houses are distributed evenly (which we know to be false but for the sake of these calculations we will accept) we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops. This means that Santa's sleigh is traveling at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe moves at a poky 27.4 mps. The average reindeer runs at 15 mph.

The sleigh's payload adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 TONS, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.

On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see first paragraph) could pull TEN TIMES the usual amount, we cannot do the job with 8 or even 9. We need 214,000 reindeer. This increases the weight, not even counting the sleigh, to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison this is 4 times the weight of the British liner Queen Elizabeth 2. 353,000 tons.

Traveling at 650 miles per second creates an enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer in the same manner as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy... Per second... Each! In short, they will burst in flame almost instantaneously, exposing the next pair of reindeer, and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousands of a second.

Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times the force of gravity. A 300 pound Santa would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,325,015 pounds of force.

CONCLUSION: There was a Santa, but he's dead now. SO, CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED - YOU HAD ALL BETTER GET BACK TO WORK!!!!

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"Sheep go to heaven, goats go to Daves"

mike

Nice 'ox. Get the kids to read this!!!!!Maybe you can scare them away from the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy too.

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"A 'madame' ain't nothing but a hooker with higher aspirations."- Craig Evans

2ox

workin' on it....

__________________
"Sheep go to heaven, goats go to Daves"

Thender

Where & when in the hell did we remove the word MAGIC from our vocabulary???

It's MAGIC... Damn! I need some false pretenses if I am to survive this fricken world!!!

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Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

2ox

the magic still happens Thender.

When you are sharing your yuletide with friends and loved ones over the next few weeks.

__________________
"Sheep go to heaven, goats go to Daves"

mike

But what is wrong with the kids believing in Santa ?

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"A 'madame' ain't nothing but a hooker with higher aspirations."- Craig Evans

2ox

I'm not trying to create an exhistential debate on Santa Claus. I just found the thought of vaporizing reindeer kinda funny.

If you would like my thoughts on the whole Christmas thing, I would be happy to do it sometime. Probably better to leave it until after the holidays.

__________________
"Sheep go to heaven, goats go to Daves"

mike

No,actually, I think your thoughts have already been expressed.

__________________
"A 'madame' ain't nothing but a hooker with higher aspirations."- Craig Evans

Thender

I'm just saying the "political correct" have invaded our lives way too much... Get over yourselves dammit!!! Can't we just have fun?

I thought this same thing when the Discovery Channel ran a special about if Spider Man and Super Man could actually do what they do.... WHO CARES!!!!!

I want light heartedness, frolickness, and just plain fun during this season... But the "Anti's" have done their best to kill that for all.....

This season has become what all "prime time Christmas specials" were denouncing back in the '70s.... commericialized Yet they are the ones that fed this down fall....

I need an egg nog....

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Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

KUfan_Donnie

It's always fun to analyze and speculate, 'ender

After all, who hasn't at some point wished to be bitten by a radioactive spider?



The "Anti's" as you put it have yet to take me to the dark side, for I know the truth: Santa was a Hufflepuff!
(for those less versed in famous literary works, I'm declaring Santa magical much like 'ender earlier...)


Merry Christmas everyone!

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One weekend survived

Thender

__________________
Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.

ob1

He damn sure wasn't in Slytherin'!