06-23-2008
| #1 |
| Wanna Bet???      Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38
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| What is your favorite George Carlin Bit? Mine has got to be "Fear of Germs". I don't even allow anti-bacterial soap into my house. Where did this sudden fear of germs come from in this country? Have you noticed this? The media constantly running stories about all the latest infections? Salmonella, E-coli, hanta virus, bird flu, and Americans will panic easily so everybody's running around scrubbing this and spraying that and overcooking their food and repeatedly washing their hands, trying to avoid all contact with germs. It's ridiculous and it goes to ridiculous lengths. In prisons, before they give you lethal injection, they swab your arm with ALCOHOL. Wouldn't want some guy to go to hell AND be sick.Fear of germs, why these fuckin' pussies. You can't even get a decent hamburger anymore they cook the shit out of everything now 'cause everyone's afraid of FOOD POISONING! Hey, wheres you sense of adventure? Take a fuckin' chance will you? Hey you know how many people die of food poisoning in this country? Nine thousand, thats all, its a minor risk. Take a fuckin' chance bunch of goddamn pussies.Besides, what d'ya think you have an immune system for? It's for killing germs! But it needs practice, it needs germs to practice on. So if you kill all the germs around you, and live a completely sterile life, then when germs do come along, you're not gonna be prepared. And never mind ordinary germs, what are you gonna do when some super virus comes along that turns your vital organs into liquid shit?! I'll tell you what your gonna do ... you're gonna get sick. You're gonna die and your gonna deserve it because you're fucking weak and you got a fuckin' weak immune system! Let me tell you a true story about immunization ok. When I was a little boy in New York city in the nineteen-forties, we swam in the Hudson river. And it was filled with raw sewage! OK? We swam in raw sewage, you know, to cool off. And at that time the big fear was polio. Thousands of kids died from polio every year. But you know something? In my neighborhood no one ever got polio. No one! EVER! You know why? Cause WE SWAM IN RAW SEWAGE! It strengthened our immune system, the polio never had a prayer. We were tempered in raw shit! So personally I never take any precautions against germs. I don't shy away from people who sneeze and cough. I don't wipe off the telephone, I don't cover the toilet seat, and if I drop food on the floor I pick it up and eat it!Even if I'm at side walk cafe! IN CALCUTTA! THE POOR SECTION! ON NEW YEARS MORNING DURING A SOCCER RIOT! And you know something? In spite of all the so called "risky behavior ".... I never get infections. I don't get em. I don't get colds, I don't get flu, I don't get headaches, I don't get upset stomach, And you know why? Cause I got a good strong immune system! And it gets a lot of practice! My immune system is equipped with the biological equivalent of fully automatic military assault rifles, with night vision and laser scopes. And we have recently acquired phosphorous grenades, cluster bombs and anti personnel fragmentation mines. So, when my white blood cells are on patrol reconnoitering my blood stream seeking out strangers and other undesirables, and if they see any, ANY, suspicious looking germs of any kind, THEY DON'T. FUCK. AROUND. They whip out the weapons, they wax the motherfucker and deposit the unlucky fellow directly into my colon! Into my colon. There's no nonsense! There's no miranda warning, there's none of that three strikes and your out bullshit. First defense, BAM! Into the colon you go! -- George Carlin The man did live to be 71 and I'm guessing life expectancy when he was born was below that so I'm still a believer. Into the colon you go!!!
__________________  Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!! Last edited by Bud; 06-23-2008 at 12:55 PM. |
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06-23-2008
| #2 |
| Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No  Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36
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| Re: What is your favorite George Carlin Bit? Mine is either the one they played on the show this morning, or his bit on "stuff"
__________________  "The moving sidewalk is coming to an end, please lift up your balls !!"- Todd |
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06-23-2008
| #3 |
| Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38
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| Re: What is your favorite George Carlin Bit? "Stuff" is Classic! 
__________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!! |
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06-23-2008
| #4 |
| Jedi SlaveBoy  Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38
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| Re: What is your favorite George Carlin Bit? 7 words and Stuff are classics |
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06-23-2008
| #5 |
| Always riding the ragged edge of disaster.  Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38
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| Re: What is your favorite George Carlin Bit? All of 'em are classics... "Football Vs. Baseball"...
__________________  Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009  Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush.  |
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06-25-2008
| #7 |
| Your Mom hates you, she told me so....  Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Aug 2005 Age: 45
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| Re: What is your favorite George Carlin Bit? Hippy Dippy Weatherman....you gotta be old like me and 'ender to know this one... 
__________________  "I was provided with addtional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." -Colonel Oliver North |
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06-26-2008
| #8 |
| Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38
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| Re: What is your favorite George Carlin Bit? Seen it a few times... 
__________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush. |
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06-26-2008
| #9 |
| MMMMMMM......BBQ  Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: THE UNIQUE CITY OF BELLEVUE Age: 31
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 | Re: What is your favorite George Carlin Bit? so many to choose from. 7 words and stuff are great.
__________________ THIS SPACE FOR RENT. |
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06-28-2008
| #10 |
| i ride the short bus because i'm  Listens: I don't listen Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: counciltucky
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| Re: What is your favorite George Carlin Bit? this one hit me the other day on dodge "you drive like old people fuck. slow and sloppy"
__________________ He died at the age of 92 beneath my painting of Leonardo's Last Supper (now renamed The Last Cuppa) on the guest bedroom wall. He had a cup of tea at his lips held by my mother saying, "Buck up, Dad. You can't refuse a cup of tea. You've never refused a cup of tea in your life." He only did so the once.-- ralph steadman |
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06-29-2008
| #11 |
| Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38
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| Re: What is your favorite George Carlin Bit? One of my most favorite sayings out on the road!!! 
__________________ Shenandoah, American Legion Post #88 Color Guard, State Color Guard Champions for 2008 - 2009 Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush. |
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