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| Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38
Posts: 9,898
| NASCAR Driver's New Years Resolutions 1. Jimmie Johnson -- Learn to dance like Helio Castroneves so he doesn't get overshadowed during next year's appearance on "Good Morning America.'' 2. Jeff Gordon -- Hire Colin Farrell and Lindsay Lohan to teach drivers how to show their personality and wild side without being fined by NASCAR or showing private parts. 3. Clint Bowyer -- Close Jack Daniels lemonade stand at his Welcome, N.C., go-kart track during weekly neighborhood races with kids. 4. Matt Kenseth -- Hire a trainer, get to a gym and work on upper-body strength for the rematch with Carl Edwards. 5. Kyle Busch -- Develop profile for Match.com or just call Central Casting and request a NASCAR wife. 6. Tony Stewart -- Give up hot dogs and milkshakes for sushi and sake to keep new manufacturer happy. 7. Kurt Busch -- Be first driver to sign up for Jeff Gordon's class with Colin Farrell and Lindsay Lohan. 8. Jeff Burton -- Get owner Richard Childress to build a two-seater race car so brother Ward can join him in a race. 9. Carl Edwards -- Buy complete DVD collection of "The Andy Griffith Show" and "Leave It to Beaver." 10. Kevin Harvick -- Start wearing dresses to driver introductions so NASCAR officials can differentiate him his wife, DeLana. 11. Martin Truex Jr. -- Take team owner Teresa Earnhardt on an "off the record" bow hunting trip -- see Teresa's "off the record" media party during banquet week in New York City -- and tell her he'll sign a long-term extension for 50 percent of DEI. 12. Denny Hamlin -- Invite neighbor/team owner Joe Gibbs to his famous house parties to ease the stress from his day job as coach of the Washington Redskins. 13. Ryan Newman -- Give his points to new Penske Racing teammate Sam Hornish Jr. in return for his Indianapolis 500 trophy. Or at least make more races than Hornish. 14. Greg Biffle -- Take his three boxers -- Foster, Gracie and Savannah -- to visit Michael Vick once a month in prison. 15. Casey Mears -- Buy billboard on Papa Joe Hendrick Way so owner and Hendrick Motorsports teammates remember his name. 16. Dale Earnhardt Jr. -- Create rehab center for hyped-up Junior fans who drink as much AMP and Mountain Dew as they used to Budweiser. Invite stepmother Teresa (once she returns from hunting trip with Truex) over for a get-to-know-you dinner. 17. Mark Martin -- Get a hearing aid so he can hear all the boos of Dale Jr. fans when he is introduced as the driver of the No. 8 and then tell the media how much the support means to him. 18. Jamie McMurray -- Start charity foundation for drivers who win a Cup race once every five years. 19. Bobby Labonte -- Get hair extensions so he can have a ponytail so nobody will notice when teammate Kyle Petty takes over his ride to guarantee a spot in the field. 20. Kasey Kahne -- Provide case of Budweiser to track security officials after shoving them. 21. Juan Pablo Montoya -- Lobby NASCAR to race only on road courses. 22. J.J. Yeley -- Convince other drivers that DLP doesn't stand for "Don't Let Pass." 23. Reed Sorenson -- Have Dario Franchitti's wife, Ashley Judd, introduce him to some of her friends. 24. David Ragan -- Install GPS system in race car to help him find his way around the track. 25. Tony Raines -- Get a job as a taxi driver in New York City so he knows -- the only way he will -- how those who make the Chase feel when they drive around Times Square. 26. David Stremme -- Date Paris Hilton until an owner will give him a ride. 27. Elliott Sadler -- Start shooting for top-10 finishes instead of furry animals in the woods. 28. Robby Gordon -- Follow sponsor Jim Beam's slogan and "Drive Responsibly." 29. Paul Menard -- Change last name so Tony Stewart stops picking on him for being a daddy's boy. 30. Ricky Rudd -- Stay retired longer than Mark Martin. 31. Jeff Green -- Build brick wall in driveway at home so he has something to hit on Sundays. 32. David Gilliland -- Get bucket hat, red shirt to go with Gilligan nickname. 33. Johnny Sauter -- Become the recipient of Jamie McMurray Foundation's first donation. 34. Dave Blaney -- Thank Michael Waltrip and Dale Jarrett for making him the top Toyota driver in 2007. 35. Kyle Petty -- Spend more time hosting "Tradin' Paint" rather than actually trading paint.
__________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!! |
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| | #2 |
| Always riding the ragged edge of disaster. Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 38
Posts: 18,144
| Re: NASCAR Driver's New Years Resolutions
__________________ Two in the mouth is worth one in the bush. 4th place, 2008 TNTU.net college fantasy football... Bud came in 6th... |
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| | #3 |
| Drugs Are Better Than Pugs - Just Say No Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: May 2005 Age: 36
Posts: 12,691
| Re: NASCAR Driver's New Years Resolutions The resolution for Jr should have been to hire someone who has read the ABC's of engine care.
__________________ "Black Tony isn't salty, he's creamy"- Travis Justice |
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| | #4 |
| Wanna Bet??? Listens: Z92 - Mornings Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Plattsmeth Age: 38
Posts: 9,898
| Re: NASCAR Driver's New Years Resolutions He's with Hendrick now so no need for that resolution anymore.
__________________ Time is Short Click Here, Free Naked Ladies 2007 TNTU.net Fantasy NASCAR Champion !!! |
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