NASCAR Driver's New Years Resolutions in the Sports and Non-Sports forum at Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums - 1. Jimmie Johnson -- Learn to dance like Helio Castroneves so he doesn't get overshadowed during next year's appearance ...

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Old 12-31-2007   #1
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NASCAR Driver's New Years Resolutions

1. Jimmie Johnson -- Learn to dance like Helio Castroneves so he doesn't get overshadowed during next year's appearance on "Good Morning America.''

2. Jeff Gordon -- Hire Colin Farrell and Lindsay Lohan to teach drivers how to show their personality and wild side without being fined by NASCAR or showing private parts.

3. Clint Bowyer -- Close Jack Daniels lemonade stand at his Welcome, N.C., go-kart track during weekly neighborhood races with kids.

4. Matt Kenseth -- Hire a trainer, get to a gym and work on upper-body strength for the rematch with Carl Edwards.

5. Kyle Busch -- Develop profile for Match.com or just call Central Casting and request a NASCAR wife.

6. Tony Stewart -- Give up hot dogs and milkshakes for sushi and sake to keep new manufacturer happy.

7. Kurt Busch -- Be first driver to sign up for Jeff Gordon's class with Colin Farrell and Lindsay Lohan.

8. Jeff Burton -- Get owner Richard Childress to build a two-seater race car so brother Ward can join him in a race.

9. Carl Edwards -- Buy complete DVD collection of "The Andy Griffith Show" and "Leave It to Beaver."

10. Kevin Harvick -- Start wearing dresses to driver introductions so NASCAR officials can differentiate him his wife, DeLana.

11. Martin Truex Jr. -- Take team owner Teresa Earnhardt on an "off the record" bow hunting trip -- see Teresa's "off the record" media party during banquet week in New York City -- and tell her he'll sign a long-term extension for 50 percent of DEI.

12. Denny Hamlin -- Invite neighbor/team owner Joe Gibbs to his famous house parties to ease the stress from his day job as coach of the Washington Redskins.

13. Ryan Newman -- Give his points to new Penske Racing teammate Sam Hornish Jr. in return for his Indianapolis 500 trophy. Or at least make more races than Hornish.

14. Greg Biffle -- Take his three boxers -- Foster, Gracie and Savannah -- to visit Michael Vick once a month in prison.

15. Casey Mears -- Buy billboard on Papa Joe Hendrick Way so owner and Hendrick Motorsports teammates remember his name.

16. Dale Earnhardt Jr. -- Create rehab center for hyped-up Junior fans who drink as much AMP and Mountain Dew as they used to Budweiser. Invite stepmother Teresa (once she returns from hunting trip with Truex) over for a get-to-know-you dinner.

17. Mark Martin -- Get a hearing aid so he can hear all the boos of Dale Jr. fans when he is introduced as the driver of the No. 8 and then tell the media how much the support means to him.

18. Jamie McMurray -- Start charity foundation for drivers who win a Cup race once every five years.

19. Bobby Labonte -- Get hair extensions so he can have a ponytail so nobody will notice when teammate Kyle Petty takes over his ride to guarantee a spot in the field.

20. Kasey Kahne -- Provide case of Budweiser to track security officials after shoving them.

21. Juan Pablo Montoya -- Lobby NASCAR to race only on road courses.

22. J.J. Yeley -- Convince other drivers that DLP doesn't stand for "Don't Let Pass."

23. Reed Sorenson -- Have Dario Franchitti's wife, Ashley Judd, introduce him to some of her friends.

24. David Ragan -- Install GPS system in race car to help him find his way around the track.

25. Tony Raines -- Get a job as a taxi driver in New York City so he knows -- the only way he will -- how those who make the Chase feel when they drive around Times Square.

26. David Stremme -- Date Paris Hilton until an owner will give him a ride.

27. Elliott Sadler -- Start shooting for top-10 finishes instead of furry animals in the woods.

28. Robby Gordon -- Follow sponsor Jim Beam's slogan and "Drive Responsibly."

29. Paul Menard -- Change last name so Tony Stewart stops picking on him for being a daddy's boy.

30. Ricky Rudd -- Stay retired longer than Mark Martin.

31. Jeff Green -- Build brick wall in driveway at home so he has something to hit on Sundays.

32. David Gilliland -- Get bucket hat, red shirt to go with Gilligan nickname.

33. Johnny Sauter -- Become the recipient of Jamie McMurray Foundation's first donation.

34. Dave Blaney -- Thank Michael Waltrip and Dale Jarrett for making him the top Toyota driver in 2007.

35. Kyle Petty -- Spend more time hosting "Tradin' Paint" rather than actually trading paint.
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Old 12-31-2007   #2
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Re: NASCAR Driver's New Years Resolutions

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Old 12-31-2007   #3
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Re: NASCAR Driver's New Years Resolutions

The resolution for Jr should have been to hire someone who has read the ABC's of engine care.
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Old 12-31-2007   #4
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Re: NASCAR Driver's New Years Resolutions

He's with Hendrick now so no need for that resolution anymore.
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