Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

Wednesday 8-23-00

Todd and Tyler spent some time this morning taking care of some strange trained counselling situations. One was prompted by an e-mail from a lady who said that, while online, she ran into a guy she used to go to high school with. He’s a 27-year-old virgin and he has been begging her for sex over the Internet for a few weeks. She claimed to be sick of it and asked TnT to help get the guy laid. They weren’t going to do that because they’ve been shafted by virgin listeners before (so to speak) but they did say they’d talk with the guy. Once on the phone, TnT delved into the mind of what appeared to be (and was later confirmed to be) a “social retard”. The man, Shane, said he was indeed a 27-year-old virgin and also gave TnT some other interesting information. He doesn’t have a car (his grandfather drives him around), he goes to the boats once a week with his mom, he racked up $8,000 in phone sex bills and he’s psychotically obsessed with Brittany Spears (that one, of course, is completely understandable). Shane even gave details on his obsession such as the Brittany Spears covered walls, the dolls of her he has and the time he saw her in concert and proclaimed his love to her from 20 feet away. As he went on, he sounded creepier and creepier.

TnT tried to help out Shane by pointing out the overabundance of obvious character flaws. Todd seemed to be the more compassionate one, telling Shane he needed some professional counseling and trying to delve into his personality a more. Tyler, on the other hand, was a little less compassionate but it did seem he was trying to help in the East Coast Bastardish way we’ve all come to love. At one point, Tyler’s comments about Brittany Spears prompted a scarily threatening “Don’t make fun of Brittany” from Shane. Tyler also hilariously told Shane that if he kept writing Brittany and telling her that he loved her, she’d come to love him too. Any mentally stable person could see that Tyler was trying to point out that Shane seemed incredibly obsessive and psychotic. Shane, on the other hand, may have taken him seriously. I really couldn’t tell. I’m sure we’ll hear more on Shane the shy socially retarded 27-year-old obsessive masturbating virgin in the future.

Shane’s tale wasn’t the only strange one of the show. Another guy claimed to be a 21-year-old virgin who met an 18-year-old girl from Alabama on the net. He said she’s leaving her family to move up to Nebraska to live with him. He prefaced his call by saying he used to have the same sort of shyness as Shane but got over it with some medication. Anyway, he told the twisted tale of how the 18-year-old girl was moving here to live with him and has told everyone in her family except for her military father. He also claimed that Alabama law states you must be 19, not 18 to move away from home. There were many reaction calls from listeners about this guy and his predicament. Most of which thought he was just asking for trouble. There were a few people who took it upon themselves to research the Alabama laws and confirmed that this girl must be 19 in order to move here and live with him. The one loophole that the guy and his Alabama Internet girl had was that the girl plans to enroll in Milford (a tech school near where the man lives) and attend classes for automotive repair. By her attending school, she can legally leave her family and move in with him.

City Councilman Cliff Heard came in studio this morning and hung out with TnT for a bit. He talked briefly about running for mayor against Hal and a few other topics relating to local politics and the city council. In order to keep things interesting and funny, TnT kept control of the show and didn’t let it turn into a big political bitchfest. Cliff joined in on the topics of the day and seemed pretty cool even though there were a few times he was obviously backing off the mike. He’ll probably be in studio again in the future.

Larry the Cable Guy checked in today and delivered a commentary on Ellen and Ann’s lesbian breakup. There really isn’t much to say about the commentary so I’ll just move on. Larry will probably check in again on Friday morning.

TnT spoke with a guy who was in the Navy with Rudy from CBS’s “Survivor” show. They asked him all sorts of questions about Rudy and the gentleman (I didn’t catch his name) answered everything. The caller also elaborated on Rudy’s background (in depth) and the Navy Seals in general. It was pretty cool to hear from someone who knows Rudy and would confirm that the Rudy we see on TV is the same Rudy you’d see off camera.

The guys reset their trained counseling calls from earlier in the show and gave their later listeners the opportunity to comment on the various situations. The post-8am callers shared their ideas and seemed to agree with the early morning listeners. A) These two guys are social retards. B) Both of them could use a hefty dose of mental help.

Towards the end of the show, the guys discussed an article in Maxim magazine about how to spot a nymphomaniac. They went through the list which pointed out some obvious and obviously BS signs. They briefly discussed the benefits and drawbacks of being with a nympho, pointing out that they don’t think they could trust one. From there, they took a few calls including one from a man who comically detailed a 2 week period in which he visited two nymphos daily. The most humorous part of the story, in my opinion, was when he said he had fallen asleep while one of the girls was on top of him and woke up 3 hours later with her still going at him. She said, “Oh, did you fall asleep?” This topic may be carried over into tomorrow’s show because it came up so late today but who knows for sure?

Well, that’s the update. Check back here tomorrow for the Thursday version. Thanks for watching. Good night. –the Alien Guy-