Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

Tuesday 7-2-02

Todd and Tyler began their show this morning by talking about a conversation they had with James the Giant Peach yesterday during a luncheon business meeting. Peach’s wife is due any day now and he mentioned to TnT that he’s a bit freaked out at the thought of making sweet, passionate love to his about-to-burst wife for fear that he might damage the baby. TnT got a kick out of Peach’s theory, stating the well known fact that one’s throck is not long enough to spelunk deep enough to touch a fetus, unless you’re abnormally long or you happen to be a brotha. TnT’s thoughts on the whole idea were confirmed by an early morning caller who said he saw Dr. Phil banging Oprah’s bladder on TV. Following that, they phoned Peach just to reassure him of the assumed normality of his throck size and to once again point out that he A) couldn’t damage the baby and B) might help to actually induce his wife’s labor.

Also early in the show, the gang spent some time making fun of Todd for not having cable TV installed in his new house yet. He’s been staring at the walls for days and said that he feels a little out of touch. Not only does he not know what’s been going on in the news realm lately, he’s missed quite a bit of prime time TV. Tyler filled Todd in on what he’s been missing and seemed to focus on last night’s 3-hour broadcast of ‘’Sling Blade.’’ Tyler mentioned that the movie was edited for content yet Channel 7 was somehow able to stretch the movie into a 3-hour block by infesting the film with countless commercial breaks. Throughout the first half of the show, Tyler subjected us all to his hilarious Carl impersonation from the movie, consisting mostly of the gravely-voiced, ‘’Um hum.’’ TnT also discussed crappy airport security and drunken America West pilots for a bit.

Brain came in with the news this morning. During his report, there was a story about why that Russian submarine actually sank (leaking torpedo juices) a few years ago. That spawned TnT to head to the archives and dig out the Huston Lawn’s rendition of, ‘’We’re All Dying In A Russian Submarine.’’ Everyone was thoroughly amused at how Brian was a ½ beat off at the time, noting that in his past two years with the show Brian has officially become a full beat off.

After the news, James the Peach game into the studio and Todd and Tyler continued their discussion of having sex with pregnant women. Peach said again that it just kind of freaks him out, pointing to a statement Donnie made regarding the situation. Peach quoted Donnie, ‘’Maybe she’ll grab ya’’ when referring to his unborn daughter. TnT opened up the phone lines and took calls from listeners with either stories about or details of having sex with a pregnant woman. For the most part, everyone seemed to agree with TnT that it would be safe for Peach to partake as long as he doesn’t do it after her water breaks. Later in the show, TnT received word that they had successfully pursueded Peach to go home and knock it out with his wife this evening. I’m sure we’ll get a full report on it tomorrow and perhaps the Peach will get a new baby out of the deal.

Todd and Tyler spoke to the voice of Great White, Jack Russell today. He’ll be performing at this year’s Z-Bash on August 18^th at Levi Carter Park. Before the interview began, TnT didn’t seem to be that enthusiastic about it. From what I could gather, they didn’t exactly know what they would speak to Jack about. When they got him on the phone, however, the interview turned out to be very smooth and interesting. Jack spoke with TnT about the long history of Great White, their separation from the classification of ‘’Hair Band’’, the reasons behind the band’s split, and how the record industry has changed. Before letting him go, Todd and Tyler brought Jack into the topic of the day, having sex with pregnant women. It was at that time that TnT got their only long, acquired pause in the interview, as it seemed either Jack didn’t hear what the guys had asked or preferred to answer their question with silence. It was pretty funny. Along with seeing Jack Russell perform at this year’s Z-Bash, you can pick up a copy of his new CD, ‘’For You’’. TnT played a clip of the title track and it sounded pretty good.

Travis came in to do his sports report this morning. Before he began, he told TnT that he recently went to see an IMAX movie featuring Mount Kilimanjaro. He then told TnT that he’s got a new goal in his life, to climb the mountain in Africa within the next 10 years of his life. The gang took some phone calls on the subject and spent some time discussing mountain climbing, Mount Kilimanjaro, how Travis would have to work out before attempting the climb, and where some good starter mountains would be before Travis makes the journey ½ way around the world to conquor the 19,000 foot hill.

Travis also read his ‘’For What It’s Worth’’ commentary from last night’s Channel 3 newscast. The topics he covered included how Title 9 has screwed up men’s college athletics, the fact that he doesn’t get soccer and the World Cup, and how he was happy that a Husker infielder decided to play his senior year instead of heading to the majors (a point that TnT seemed to disagree with). If you would like to comment on Travis’s ‘’For What It’s Worth,’’ you can phone him at 593-2706 or e-mail him at travis@km3.com.

Brian returned later in the show with his entertainment report. While reading through his stories, someone brought up an article written in the World Herald by Rainbow about how her car was stolen. After poking a little fun at the model of the vehicle and whether or not it’s struts could hold her weight, the guys shifted their focus to the 12 pack of toilet paper that was in the car when it was stolen but absent when Rainbow got it back. TnT wondered exactly what Rainbow was wiping her bum with since the car disappeared and concluded that it must be tube socks. The infamous Tony Balogna song ‘’Tube Socks for Rainbow’’ made it’s return to the airwaves after that.

As the entertainment report continued, Brian did a few stories on soccer fans, including a ‘’This Day In History’’ story about the Columbian soccer player who accidentally scored on his own team and was killed by fans in front of a bar when he returned home. Jose from the Spanish speaking station down the hall then joined TnT in studio. The gang spent the last portion of their show discussing the Columbian’s death as well as other crazy ass soccer fan stories. Jose told TnT he was actually at the game in which the Columbian guy scored that goal and pointed out that the man who killed him did it because he had lost a butt load of money betting on the game.

Following that, Jose discussed how there are certain soccer games fans know not to go to because of riots and violence. Then they talked about a recent poll in which soccer fans were asked whether they’d rather have sex or watch soccer; 99% of the men selecting to watch the sport. Before leaving, TnT played the Spanish version of the Matai’s Baby Dolls commercial that Jose recorded for the Spanish speaking station. Jose described how difficult it was to translate the commercial from English because for some phrases, such as ‘’getting wood’’, there’s not really a Spanish slang equivilant.

Tomorrow Todd and Tyler will fire up their Mexican Connection and converse with everyone’s favorite medical professional, Dr. Ed! It should be yet another outstanding show so make sure to tune in early. By the way, if you missed today’s show and don’t feel adiquetly updated from reading this stellar piece of literature, you can catch this morning’s show reairing tonight at 10pm during the 3^rd Shift Replay. That’s it for today. Thanks for watching. Good night. -Corby-