Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

Friday 3-14-03

Todd and Tyler started off the show with a bang. Just before coming on the air, Jeremy took a call from a guy who asked him, ‘’If your girlfriend nails you in the butt with a strap-on, does that make you gay?’’ Jeremy then asked the guy if his girlfriend did that to him and after a 5-second pause, a conclusion was drawn. TnT talked about it for a few moments but decided not to dwell too much on the anal sex with a strap-on subject this early on a Friday before a weeklong vacation. The guys then moved on to talk about the effeminate heterosexual that’s all over the TV, the father of Elisabeth Smart. They referred to his mother, the one who hired the wayward drifter to do house repairs and steal her child, ‘’Notso Smart’’. They went on about her father for a bit longer before deciding to move on with a slow, ‘’Whatever.’’ Black Tony also joined TnT this morning for a bit. Happy birthday Tony!

BW came in with the news a little later in the show. The first story was about three young black teenage girls that stun gunned a white woman that gave them a ride from the mall. The gang got in a lengthy argument right off the bat when BW said that they shouldn’t ignore the fact that the teenagers were black. Everyone thought he was being a racist prick but after hammering out the argument, the gang realized they were on the same side and BW’s statement was just misinterpreted. Once they got over the argument, BW, Todd, Tyler, and Tony broke into a ‘’Regency Cryps’’ song with ‘’Weak-ass Bitch’’ blaring in the background. They hang out at Walgreen’s and carry yellow dew rags. The gang then morphed the old School House Rock ‘’I’m just a Bill’’ song into a social commentary on yesterday’s ban of the ‘’partial birth abortion’’ procedure; ‘’I’m just a fetus’’.

Following the news, Todd and Tyler kicked off their ‘’Married By Todd and Tyler’’ contest. They started by bringing in the female contestants for a little get-to-know-you thing. Former producer Donnie Dodge also joined the guys in studio this morning as a backup reverend. As many of you will recall, Donnie is an ordained minister in the Church of Universal Life, Modesto California. TnT got to know each of the ladies, talked about why they decided to take part in the contest, and asked what their families and friends thought of them taking part in the ‘’Married By Todd and Tyler’’ contest.

After bringing in the ladies and then sequestering them, TnT brought in the men. Just before they came into the studio, TnT’s lawyer friend Michael was in the jock lounge giving out makeshift prenuptial agreements, which everyone found rather amusing. As TnT talked to each of the possible men, they discussed any backlash from the families and friends, too. They even took a few calls including a horse-trading call from Bill’s father, one of the male contestants. It was really weird.

After hearing from all of the contestants, both male and female, TnT opened up the e-mails and let the listeners select which female would get to choose her groom. The e-mailers selected Kerrie as the bride. She then looked over the men through a Dick Vital mask and pondered her decision on a man. Then when she revealed herself, an ‘’Oh my god’’ was heard, confirming that she is indeed a hottie. Kerrie then selected contestant #2, Bill, the guy who’s father had earlier offered up a horse if his son was chosen. When he realized he was the one Kerrie picked, he hilariously said, ‘’I’d like to introduce you guys to my first wife!’’ The couple was then rushed down to the courthouse to obtain their marriage license.

The gang phoned Misty, yesterday’s Vegas trip winner, and found out that she’s a Vegas virgin. I believe she said is taking her husband with her on the trip.

Carl LaBove (Welcome to Carl LaBove.com - Home) from the Funny Bone stopped in this morning and hung out with Todd and Tyler for the remainder of the show. He joined in on the topics of the day and shared the story about being in the van behind Sam Kinison on the day he died in the car accident. He detailed the story for TnT and it was amazing, almost indescribable. He later shared stories about hanging out with Sam and partying with the variety of famous people they were pals with. He then talked with the guys about working and writing with Sam.

Travis came in with this morning’s sports report. He read over a couple of stories and then Todd and Tyler wrapped up his report by playing Sam Kinison’s version of ‘’Wild Thing’’, which Carl LaBove played the guitar on.

BW came in a bit later with the entertainment news. He started out with a story about a former Northwest flight attendant who was busted for putting Zanex in the apple juice of a crying kid to get her to shut up during a flight. He then reported on a couple of comic book related movies, including the search for a new Super Man and Cat Woman. That conversation led to a hilarious Ertha Kitt impersonation by Carl LaBove, Eartha Kitt - the official site of the legendary star of song, stage and screen. Brian then did a list of the top 10 sports movies of all time. BW’s hint for #1 was ‘’Think no testicles’’, a reference to the 1979 ‘’Break Away’’ bicycling movie. BW then wrapped up the e-news with today’s ‘’Who the hell is that?’’

Towards the end of the show Kerrie and Bill returned from the courthouse with their newly obtained marriage license. James the Giant Peach came in and talked about obtaining the license. TnT then began their ‘’Married By Todd and Tyler’’ ceremony and Jill of the Universal Life Church of Modesto California united the two strangers in matrimony in one of the most loving and touching ceremonies ever. Billy from Buddy at the Bone provided the music, there was cake, a photographer, and many onlookers. The new couple will be heading to Vegas with TnT and the other Vegas trip winners in May, provided they don’t decide to get a divorce before they leave in 6 weeks. I’m sure we’ll get a follow-up on the marriage when TnT return from vacation after next week, again before the trip to Vegas, and once the divorce starts when the couple returns. It should be interesting so make sure to rejoin the guys.

Well, this does it for the Friday update. Keep in mind that Todd and Tyler will not be on the air next week so tune in for the ‘’Best Of’’. Thanks for watching. Good night. -Corby-