Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

Monday 3-24-03

Todd and Tyler returned to the air this morning after a weeklong vacation. During the break, Todd went to Mexico for a fishing trip while Tyler went to South Carolina for some golfing with his East Coast bastard buddies. Todd didn’t catch much fish and it may or may not have had something to do with him getting hammered twice in one day and getting kicked out of a Mexican restaurant for passing out at the table. Tyler didn’t have too much to say about his golfing trip other than sharing a story about falling into a chest high sinkhole while he jogged on the beach. BW pretty much just froze his ass off in his house all last week, as his furnace busted, and Jeremy didn’t do much except hang out with his new lady. The guys didn’t want to dwell on their vacations too much this morning mostly due to the war so they moved on to a conversation about last night’s Oscars.

BW came in with the news a bit later and as you might imagine, the gang spent some time talking about the war news from last week. They discussed the various war coverage from the television networks and talked about some of the specifics of what we all have seen day in and day out over the last week. Following their war discussion, the gang moved on to talk about how some West Omaha people are pissed at the Lowe’s for having bright lights in their parking lot. Later, Tyler did an amazing sound effect of what the Death Star would actually sound like when it blew up in space. BW then wrapped up the news with a heartwarming tale of a mother who bathed her dirty footed, diaper wearing kids in a tub of Pine-Sol while rotten meat and cat crap stank up her abode.

After their in-studio wedding more than a week ago, TnT took a call from both the Bride and Groom this morning. Bill checked in and told the guys about their date, which took place on the night of their wedding. They ate, saw Blue House play, sang a little bit, and might have gotten drunk as well. Bill confirmed that there was a little touchy feely huggy kissy stuff going on throughout the evening but said that he’s yet to bang the bride. Kiri said pretty much the same thing, later squashing the rumors that she left the bar with another man on the evening of the wedding. Kiri went on to say that her mother isn’t happy about the marriage and is going to work with her to keep it a secret from Kiri’s father. Bill, too, said some of his family flipped s-bomb over the marriage, mainly his grandmother. I’m sure we’ll get some follow-up calls from the newlyweds as possible penetration approaches.

Larry the Cable Guy checked in this morning and bitched about the anti-war protestors for a bit. He then got into his commentary, which centered on the idea that Larry likes the concept of naming things like they do in the War. He elaborated by saying that he was going to start naming small tasks around the house with official, war-sounding titles to make them seem more important. ‘’Operation Dodge tune-up’’ and ‘’Operation knuckle shuffle’’ were among them. Stay tuned for more from Larry as the week progresses.

Travis came in with this morning’s sports report a bit later in the show. He spent some time talking with Todd and Tyler about his recent trip to Salt Lake City to cover the Creighton game. There was plenty of talk about the tournament and Travis also shared some of his Trav’s Travel Troubles tales.

Later in the show, Todd and Tyler read a letter from a female prisoner in the Sarpy County Jail. The lady, who went by Anita Man, told the guys she’d been put in jail for being a hooker, stating that she’s had ‘’more pricks in her than a porcupine has coming out of it.’’ After ranting for a bit about being a crank whore, she went into a rant about how big of a wuss BW is. She told TnT that she’d have BW whipped into shape and back in the pie chomping game in no time, although her words were far more colorful than that. The letter also included a grocery list of all the items the woman had ordered from the jail’s store, although none of the guys could figure out why the lady had included her grocery list with her letter to them. They read it over anyway, though, finding humor in her request for boxes of tampons and both large and extra large female underwear.

Todd and Tyler spoke to Rick Buyer this morning. He’s the author of a book called ‘’100 Greatest Stories Never Told’’. The gang discussed the idea for the book, spawned by a History Channel series of short clips. Basically, the book is a bunch of trivia-type stories about events throughout history that one might find useless yet interesting. The prime example was that the pilgrims who landed on Plymouth Rock actually landed there because that’s where they ran out of beer. Due to the disease in the water back then, beer was safer to drink because it was distilled and all the little critters were burned out of it. So when the pilgrims ran out of safe beer to drink, they had to make more to survive and hence ended their voyage at Plymouth Rock (where they built a brewery). The gang discussed a few other examples as well before they dove into Rick’s history as a journalist and the changes in war coverage over the last few decades. You should be able to find a copy of Rick’s book at your local bookstore or on line.

BW returned towards the end of this morning’s show with the e-news. He began with a lengthy Oscar recap from last night’s program as TnT discussed the various categories, the movies they had, had not, and would never like to see, and Steve Martin’s stellar performance as the host of the show. The gang then moved on to talk about how they think the British Parliament is cool because those crazy sum’bitches get to yell at each other. From there, BW read over a list of the top 10 dead celebrities, which was a complete joke and seemed to piss Todd and Tyler off more than entertain them. The guys decided the list was so bad that they’d enjoy coming up with their own list more so that’s exactly what they did. We were then exposed to Todd and Tyler’s top 10 reasons for scratching your own crotch. BW then read over the ‘’Who the hell is that?’’ birthday announcements and the gang wrapped up the e-news and this morning’s show by rereading the e-mail from the prison woman from Sarpy County.

Well, that does it for the Monday update. Tune in tonight at 10pm for the 3^rd Shift Replay of this morning’s show and make sure you rejoin Todd and Tyler tomorrow at 5:30am for the Tuesday program. Thanks for watching. Good night. -Corby-