Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

Thursday 4-3-03

Todd and Tyler started off the show this morning by reading over a couple of e-mails and taking a few phone calls. The gang then read yet another letter from incarcerated crank hooker, Anita Man. Basically, the reason for her letter today was to rap that she’s a skinny crank ho who doesn’t like butt sex. The guys also mentioned that their wives went out to lunch wit Peach’s wife yesterday to the Red Robin and while there, the hostess mentioned that Eric Crouch was outside. TnT’s wives told the lady to go tell Eric that they were there and to come say hi. A few minutes later, Crouch came into the restaurant and talked to Todd and Tyler’s wives for a bit. Becky hit him up with a ‘’Why don’t you call the show?’’ right away, which made Tyler proud. The group had a nice chat and Eric left after saying he would give TnT a call today. The guys really didn’t believe Crouch would call, though, so they moved on.

BW came in with the e-news a bit later. There was plenty of talk about the gambling issue, with Todd and Tyler pointing out that it’s already freak’n here. Even if the suits in Lincoln won’t put it on the ballet, the petitions are going to go around in full force this time. The gang also discussed how the city council berated a 20-year-old woman that bought a burned up house for $2000 and had asked them permission to fix it up. Although the details of the story obviously don’t come across in this update, it was pretty clear that the city council were a bunch of total assholes in this instance. TnT talked about it for a while and then moved on.

The guys then took a trained counseling call from a listener who said his 21-year-old wife had met a 23-year-old English guy over the Internet. He’s flown to town and stayed with them twice and his wife just returned from a visit to England to hang out with her ‘’friend’’. The man said he doesn’t think there’s anything going on between the two but did mention that he caught his wife sitting on the English guy’s lap about 6 inches from his face on one of his recent visits. The guy wanted to know what TnT thought he should do and asked their opinion on staying together with the lady for the sake of their 2-year-old daughter. Todd and Tyler advised the guy to get rid of the woman because she IS cheating on him. They also pointed out that staying together for the sake of the kid is a bad idea and passed him the phone number for Cohen, Vacanti, Higgins, and Shattuck. Several listeners checked in immediately following and agreed with TnT. One guy shared an almost identical scenario that ended up with him being booted out of the house and the internet lover moving in.

Also in the news, PETA is pissed at the war for using dolphins to find sea mines. TnT ranted against the PETA freaks for a bit before BW continued the news with a ‘’By the numbers’’ list. BW read over a list of questions with a number as the answer and then asked TnT to guess it. The segment didn’t last long, though, because Tyler had read the same thing the day before and remembered a majority of the answers. It was pretty funny stuff. Following that, BW read a survey taken of lawn guy asking them which celebrity’s houses they’d like to mow the most. You could tell Todd and Tyler didn’t want to move on from the gripping subject but they had to.

BW also did a story on dream analysis during the newscast. The gang spent some time talking about dreams for a bit, stating once again that they don’t mean anything. Tyler elaborated further on what he thinks dreams are and why random thoughts just pop into your head for no reason. His theory, every memory flies around in your head and every once in a while something just goes out a window, made complete sense. During the conversation, a caller checked in and told the guys that he dreams about killing his wife of 24-years in very gruesome ways at least 3 times a week. He went through a variety of methods for his dream murders, which disturbed the hell out of everyone. Believe it or not, the call was actually hilarious. The guys asked the man if he hates his wife. His reply? ‘’No, I love her to death.’’ I peed my chair.

Following the news, the gang got on the subject of being childish in meetings. It came up after a meeting yesterday where Peach, a normally fun guy, got all serious and pretended to be professional while Todd and Tyler laughed, giggled, and made dick jokes. BW then mentioned that even when Peach is joining in on the jabs, he normally goes straight for the throat. Seldom does Peach drop an ‘’I’m humping your mom’’ card. Instead, his are vicious verbal attacks meant to maim and destroy his enemy. Peach then joined the guys in studio after about 10 minutes of their discussion. He hadn’t heard any of what they had said up until that point because he was in a meeting. When the guys brought up his cutthroat approach, he proved BW’s though completely. BW tossed him a casual mom-card and Peach retaliated with a vicious ‘’You’re going to find your mother dead, face down in a ditch with a hole in her back.’’ It was hilarious.

In what may have been a continuation of the news, I’m not exactly sure because the structure of the first half of this morning’s show was a bit odd, Brian read over a scenario about taxes. The story was about a group of 10 men, all of different incomes, that go to lunch and how their bills would be broken up if it were related to the way taxes are handled. The idea behind it seemed to be that the richest people pay the most taxes. After reading the scenario and confusing the absolute hell out of everyone, the gang attempted to discuss it but found themselves having mental melt downs over ‘’Tax Algebra’’.

Travis came in with the sports report today, which started off with Trav stating ‘’I took Billy out for ice cream yesterday.’’ It was rather gay. Along with the sports news, Travis joined in on the subject about the cheating internet lady and her English boyfriend and agreed with TnT; the guy needs to get out. Then TnT told him all about their wives meeting Crouch while at lunch yesterday. Todd decided to call Crouch’s cell phone and see if they could get him on the air to thank him for being so nice to their wives. He got the voice mail and left a message saying just that.

Kermit Holliday from the Funny Bone joined Todd and Tyler in studio. He talked with the guys about being the skinniest comedian around, weighing in at a buck 25, he discussed his comedy style, talked about finding the mood of crowds, and joined in on all the other topics of the morning. There was plenty of discussion about the war while Kermit was with TnT, as the guys talked about some of the funnier things to come out of the Iraqi media. A perfect example occurred on CNN when the guys were talking about it. Evidentially, the Iraqi VP said that the US troops being just on the outskirts of Baghdad is ‘’silly’’. Kermit was great with the guys today and you can catch him opening up for Haywood Banks all weekend at the Funny Bone. Tonight is an all ages, no smoking show so feel free to make your reservations now by phoning 493-8036.

Much to Todd and Tyler’s surprise, Eric Crouch phoned the show today. At first, the guys didn’t believe Crouch was returning their call from earlier in the show. After all, listeners have burned them in the past. They attempted to confirm that it was indeed Crouch by having him give BW his home address off the air. That seemed to convince everyone but Tyler that it was actually Crouch. Then, after putting him on the air, Travis joined the conversation and said it was Crouch. That seemed to solidify it enough in Tyler’s mind and their conversation began. The guys felt bad about putting him through all the run-around but things turned out for the best once everyone was convinced the caller was Crouch.

The gang started the conversation by pointing out that they’ve been giving him crap for years, something Eric seemed well aware of. He told the guys he took some of it personally but for the most part, he knew they were just joking around. They then moved on to discuss his plans to go play pro ball in Canada with the Argonauts. That naturally led into some talk about why he decided to leave the Rams. Crouch said that he just didn’t fit in with the roll the coach wanted him to play. It seemed clear that he wants to be a QB somewhere, not a receiver. The guys also talked about ‘’the Royal Wedding’’ on May 10^th and mentioned that Crouch and Todd would be sharing an anniversary.

As their conversation with Crouch continued, Tyler brought up the famous story of Crouch being drunk on stage singing with the Fish Heads the night before he spoke to some kids as part of DARE. He said, ‘’Hey, I was not drunk’’ with a hint of a chuckle. Tyler then said perhaps it was himself and Donnie that were drunk that night, only assuming Crouch was hammered because most people who get on stage to sing with the Fish Heads are blitzed.

Before letting Crouch go, Todd got off one of the funniest lines in the history of the world, ever. Referring to Crouch’s possible move up to Canada, Todd asked him ‘’When you go to Toronto, do they have a 10^th Street bridge?’’ Even Eric laughed at that one. The conversation was great this morning and everyone seemed to be happy that they had all become friendly. There seemed to be no tension at all, everyone had a good laugh, and from the sounds of it, Crouch said he might come by the studio once before he goes up to Canada sometime in May.

Following the Crouch interview, Todd and Tyler phoned their old producer Donnie Dodge, the gas on the fire for much of the Crouch talk over the past 3 years. They had to tell him that they had just spoken to Eric Crouch. Donnie was 16 feet in the air on a ladder at the Home Depot when he joined TnT via phone and he couldn’t believe that Crouch had called in so soon after being done. It took years for Donnie’s buddy Scott Frost to come around, after all. It was good to hear from Donnie again today and he might be coming back in studio with TnT if/when Crouch joins them live. By the way, Donnie said he’s still going to be a fireman and that should be taking place ‘’soon’’ but in the mean time, swing on down to the Home Depot, as they’re having a big lawn mower sale today.

BW returned later in the show with today’s e-news segment. To start it, TnT phoned Dean Wysocki of Channel 42 and asked him if he would be willing to do Muslim weather. The quote, written by Todd, was ‘’ It’s going to be partly Sooni today but will turn to Shiite tomorrow.’’ Even though it was hilarious, Dean didn’t seem to be willing to say it on the air. The gang then spent some time talking about various TV news anchors on the national and cable TV level, there was some discussion of the exploding Pony Express, BW reported on some historical events that happened today and there was another rousing round of ‘’Who the hell is that.’’

Before leaving the air this morning, TnT took a call from their former phone sex operator friend. They wanted her to speed date at Brewsky’s on Monday night when they’re there for the NCAA basketball championship but she didn’t want to. Then they attempted to phone Tyler’s dad and have her leave him a sexy ‘’Call me when she leaves’’ voice mail but due to their equipment, they couldn’t call long distance. It was quite clear that the guys were pissed about the equipment trouble. Perhaps it will be fixed by tomorrow.

Well, that does it for the Thursday update. Tune in tonight at 10pm for the 3^rd Shift Replay of this morning’s show and make sure you rejoin Todd and Tyler tomorrow at 5:30am for the Friday edition. Haywood Banks from the Funny Bone will be joining them so it should be interesting. Thanks for watching. Good night. -Corby-