Todd and Tyler Unauthorized Forums

Monday 6-16-03

Todd and Tyler started off their show this morning with some talk about the College World Series action from over the weekend. The guys spent a majority of their free time down at the CWS having a blast with all of the baseball fans. On Friday evening, Tyler got so drunk that he actually asked Todd for a ride home, which everyone got a kick out of. The gang discussed a variety of the things they saw and heard including how one idiot sang ‘’Root, root, root for the Huskers!’’ instead of ‘’the home team’’, which pissed them off. Following the CWS reaction, BW joined the guys in studio and told them all about a funky bout of explosive diarrhea he had over the weekend, which he actually dreamt about having moments before he shot out of bed and headed for the john. He described what came out as being full portions of all the meals he had eaten over the weekend, which was a little more information than anyone needed to know but it’s nice to hear that Brian’s ass problems have finally returned.

BW kicked off the news story this morning with a story about 21 stolen golf carts at the Shadow Ridge club on Pacific Street. Vandals evidentially broke into the club, stole the cart keys, and sunk a bunch of the carts in the various lakes on the course. The gang really weren’t surprised at the vandalism but they were surprised at the reported costs of the GPS-having golf carts; $12,000 a piece! BW then reported on a dumpster fire he witnessed in Bennington and followed up that Pulitzer-worthy piece of news with a gripping story about a brown fungus that’s infecting sycamore trees all over town.

Also during the news, the guys then had a lengthy discussion about points on driver’s licenses. I don’t recall the story that spawned the conversation but it led to quite a discussion that included such topics as ways of getting points back, the waste-of-time classes some people take to avoid insurance hikes, and how many points various offences remove from your license. BW then reported on a big wave in Oregon that killed a bunch of people and wrapped up the newscast with a story about 700 dead cats in Singapore.

Todd and Tyler’s lawyer buddy Michael joined then in studio today, as did their old news chick Lisa Volenec. She’s in town for the CWS and swung by to hang out with the guys. During her visit, she talked with TnT about the ‘’Jesus is my homie’’ shirts you’re starting to see on fanatics all over the country. Later, she talked with TnT about the big Gross High School get-together she’s taking part in now that all of her high school friends are back in town for the CWS. And with Lisa back in the studio, TnT went to the clip archives and played a variety of the classic Lisa-related clips, including the epic prank call she made to the sleepy Jeremy as Sienna, the stripping accountant.

Lisa also spent some time talking with Todd and Tyler about her new job in Phoenix. Yes, she’s upgrading from Tucson to the bigger Phoenix market and will be appearing on the ABC affiliate, ABC15. Later, TnT made sure to give Lisa a hard time about the 7 and 7 season the Huskers wondered us all with last season. That prompted Lisa to tell TnT that she told her new employer that she would need a day off in the fall because of a family reunion. That family reunion, she admitted, is actually the Penn State game. It was cool to hear Lisa back on the air with Todd and Tyler this morning, especially after BW’s earlier diarrhea talk, his gripping news stories, and what we all later found to be the world’s most entertaining e-news stories ever told.

BW took a few more minutes off of everyone’s lives this morning when he read over two surveys full of strange statistics. The first survey, involving food, had such tidbits of required knowledge as ‘’people like Snickers’’, and ‘’22% of people skip lunch.’’ Following the food survey, he moved on to an only slightly more interesting hygiene survey, which TnT quickly put an end to as well.

Trav came in a bit later in the show and spent some time talking with TnT about the CWS. He also provided his sports report for the guys, from which I gleaned helpful hints about ratchet sets. Trav’s FWIW from last Friday was all CWS whack-whack stuff so he didn’t bother to do it on the show this morning. He will, however, have a new FWIW on tonight’s KM3 news so make sure to tune in at 10pm.

Todd and Tyler spoke to dream expert Lauri Loewenberg this morning. She runs the web site http://www.thedreamzone.com. Lauri spent some time talking with TnT about dream analysis and interpretation and then took questions from everyone in the room about the meanings of various dreams they’ve all had. She also shared a recent dream of hers in which she was riding a boulder with her father while her legs were above her head; odd. The gang then discussed some of the more common dreams people share, like flying, falling, or being chased.

TnT later opened up the phone lines and let their listeners check in with questions from the dream lady. Many of the guy callers today exhibited similar styles of dreams, most of them hurting women in one form or another. Those who weren’t hurting women in their dreams just had completely whacked dreams to tell us about. One guy road a lobster down a hill of skulls while escaping from an ogre. All in all, Todd and Tyler and everyone else in studio seemed to have fun talking about dream analysis but after hearing some of Lauri’s explanations, it seemed clear that dream analysis is just a bunch of crap. I’m sure we’ll here from Lauri again in the near future so if you have yourself a whacked dream, write it down and phone in the next time she joins Todd and Tyler.

Larry the Cable Guy checked in today with a commentary on Cher and how she dresses too young for what her actual age is. There’s not much else to say about the commentary so I’ll just file this one in the Janet Reno, Oprah, and Rosie stack. Stay tuned for more of Larry as the week progresses.

BW returned later in the show with today’s e-news. He began by reporting on a little league team that recently got all of their equipment stolen. Fortunately for the kids, in town for a baseball tournament, the police recovered their stolen goods and returned it to the happy players. Brian then reported on Mel Gibson’s new Jesus movie, the gang discussed how the Amber Alert System helped in finding one of the missing Oscar awards from the ceremony several years ago, and BW did the world’s worst ‘’Obscure Dead Gal of the Day’’. Today’s dead gal couldn’t have been any more obscure. She was a lady who worked in a bra shop in New York that would measure women’s cup sizes without a measuring tape. I guess that’s the kind of news we should expect from a former bra stocker.

To wrap up the show, TnT played a commercial that began airing today. It was for the doctor who performed Todd’s vasectomy. The commercial featured a guy and girl fumbling with a condom while they prepare to have sex, with the woman later suggesting that if the guy were to get a vasectomy, he wouldn’t have to take the time to put a condom on and ruin the mood. TnT brought the voice actors into the studio and discussed the commercial. Later, they played the clip and had the female read a new line they had written that went something like, ‘’Just put it in my butt.’’ The guys also played a follow-up commercial that won’t air for another few months. The follow-up features the same couple but this time, the woman sneezes and leaks from her pie. So instead of that commercial being about vasectomies it is about urinary leakage. The gang inserted another ‘’in the butt’’ joke for that one, as well. TnT also got a kick out of how Lester St. James appears towards the end of the commercials as though he is actually in the room during the couple’s conversation. Tyler inserted a screen door sound effect for Lester’s appearances, which was funny as hell.

Tomorrow Todd and Tyler will be joined by the lawyers from Cohen,
Vacanti, Higgins, and Shattuck so it should be another interesting show. Make sure to join the guys tomorrow at 5:30am for the Tuesday program and keep in mind that you can catch this morning’s show again tonight at 10pm when it airs as the 3^rd Shift Replay. Thanks for watching. Good night. –Corby-